I can't promise that I can meet you for dinner because ...

"I can't promise you I can meet you next Tuesday night for dinner because I might need to work over time."

A guy told me the exacts words above in a Whatsapp message.

Here's his Modus Operandi: he would ask me when I could meet him. I would then tell him the date and time (usually evenings after my work on weekdays as I need to give full day tuition classes to my students). But he would then say he couldn't determine whether he would have to work overtime. He even asked whether I needed to do overtime (meaning that I should be understanding that he has work commitment to meet).

If I could have the permission to be aggressive, I would give me a slap on his face.

Sure, sometime I have to work overtime. But when I promise someone I would meet with him, I would make sure that I finish my work fast that day so that I don't have to cancel my appointment. I would even decline work and tell my boss I would work on it the next day instead as I already had an appointment. This is time management.

After two re-arrangement of times and dates, I stopped contacting him. I am scared of this type of guy. If I met with an accident, would he say, "I don't know if I can visit you in hospital because I don't know if I need to work overtime."? Or, if I'm giving birth, would he say, "I don't know if I can see the birth of our child because I don't know if I need to work overtime."?

This guy definitely doesn't feel that he can control his own time. What makes him think he can handle a relationship and subsequently a marriage when he cannot even manage this small part of his life?

Whether you have time or not is a matter of commitment, not whether you have this or that work to do. Everyone has work. Everyone has some overtime to do. But why is it that you are the only one who cannot be certain you can turn up on an evening for dinner?

That is why I'm furious. I find that his logic is very silly.

Why doesn't he just say:

I can't marry you because I cannot be sure whether I will divorce you.
I can't have kids with you because I cannot be sure whether I will have time for them.
I can't meet your friends because I cannot be sure whether they will like me.

Just for Laughs! But I'm serious seriously too.

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How Can I Assist You?

This post is related to the one I wrote yesterday. If you haven't read it yet, go ahead and read it here.

I thought I had seen the worst after several years of dating.

The worst dating experience I had so far was something like this: I received a phone call from a match-making agency called Goodluck. The lady in the phone said she had someone really good to introduce to me. The guy was slightly taller than me. He had a good education background with a Master degree in Finance. He spent three to fours years studying in Australian and was recently back in Singapore working in a multinational bank as a research analyst. He was good-looking and has just joined the agency.

Sounds good. After so many poor recommendation from this agency, I decided to give myself one last change. I was resolute that if this did not work out, I would bid goodbye to the agency forever.

That night, I went down to the agency as arranged. I arrived slightly and so had to wait a while for the guy to turn up. I didn't have to wait for long. Soon he came and we were being introduced to each other. Very quickly, we were out of the agency. As soon as we stepped out of the doors, I started to chat with him, asking him the usual things like what he was doing now, where he was working now and whether he had taken his dinner. Then it was my turn to share about myself.

An unexpected bomb was ignited. I told him I was an application consultant and he was shocked.

"Aren't you a financial analyst?" he asked.

'I was. I changed my career recently. What's wrong?"

He stopped, turned around to look at me and said, "The agency said I was going to meet a financial analyst. If you don't mind, let's walk back together and I am going to ask for a refund. I always have a bad feeling about this agency. I feel that their practices are dodgy and always out to cheat me of my money. I was very unhappy they introduced to me a girl from China who is still studying in school previously."

I cried.

But lately, I felt I had an experience worse than that.

I posted an ad in the Online Personnel Classifieds section of the online classified ads website Locanto.sg, telling the men out there I was looking for a boyfriend. A few men contacted me. One left a deep impression on me with his opening line: "You are looking for a boyfriend? How can I assist you?"

I was dumbfounded. I have never had a guy who presented himself in this way. Am I in a shop looking for a product? Did he own a dating agency and was able to match-make for me?

Didn't he know he doesn't have to assist me? He just have to simply introduce himself and chat with me for a while to see if we are interested in each other.

But why does he say "assist"?

Do I look so desperate? I'm not asking for assistance. I'm looking for someone who are looking for a girlfriend too. I don't need his assistance. I am looking for someone equal.


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Whatsapp: Your New (Maybe Not So New) Dating Tool

I know Tinder. You know it too.

I know some of those dating websites. You know too. The one I signed up before was eSynchrony.

I know some of those dating and match-making agencies out there. You know them too. Goodluck Matching agency at POMO. It's Just Lunch. Lunch Actually. Rings a bell in you?

There are also some people who post ads looking for boyfriends and girlfriends using online personnel classifieds such as Locanto.

For a long time, this is what I think of dating:

• You meet people through your own social circle of friends, interest groups, workplace, dating apps, dating websites, and dating agencies.
• Then someone is interested in you and you are also interested in him/her and so both of you started chatting a bit.
• Then if things seem to go on fine, both of you decide to go further by talking on the phone or even meeting up face to face.

With the popularity of messaging apps like Whatsapp, I find that talking on the phone has been completely substituted by messaging. This is NEW to me. I never know that so many guys like to date girls using Whatsapp.

These days, after getting my contact number, the guys will usually whatsapp me and then we just chat there. A lot of time is spent chatting about my education , work, interests and hobbies and things got very boring after you repeat the same content over and over again to each and every guy who contacts you. I wonder when they want to start meeting up. So these days, after a while, I just ask the guy straight whether he want to meet up or not so that I don't waste my time on the wrong guy who has no intention of meeting a real girl for the purpose of finding one to settle down with.

I wonder why they don't want to meet up as soon as possible. How much will they "really know" a person by asking the person to share his/her details through a messaging app? A person's character can only be accurately determined if you interact with him/her personally.

Even if you chatted well on whatsapp, it doesn't mean both of you will be a good match after meeting online. If you are looking for someone to settle down, get off from whatsapp fast and meet up! You are going to be married to a real person, not a phone.

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