I used to think I want to promote more women education in developing countries; I'm changing my mind

Source: Etsy

Having better education is good, because I don't think I ever want to be ignorant about how the natural world works and how human society works.

However, I won't just solely promote the idea of female education for the sake of espousing a road to better accessibility to opportunities in life.Career and family are equally important in my point of view. Having better career prospects does not equate to having better opportunity in love.

Because many educated and informed women like me are having a hard time looking for the right guy that we are comfortable being with to share our lives. We may be doing okay in our job due to the education background and past work experience that we have but we are experiencing a bumpy road in love. We are having a difficult time settling down. Because of this imbalance in life, we are not happy. A good career alone does not promise a good life!

So what would I promote?

I would promote finding love early together, teaching girls how to be pretty together with education. This will ensure that they find satisfaction in all areas of their lives. When all aspects of our lives are in order, that's when we will enjoy harmony and be truly happy to live on.

See my previous post "Education does not equal to better quality life for woman".

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Beautiful + Educated = Super Highly Desirable Women

Source: Queen Rania of Jordan (Pinterest)

Beautiful + Educated = Super Highly Desirable Women

Queen Rania is a beautiful and educated lady with a heart. She is the epitome of a how a highly desirable woman should be. The King of Jordan definitely deserves a woman like her.

However, many men out there don't look handsome, have no status, no money and no education, and yet, they expect their women to be beautiful, to listen to them, to be obedient, to be a baby-making machine and a housewife, not to be publicly exposed and so on.

Do these men know what love is about? Do these men know what caring for a woman is about?

What a laughable world!

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Beautiful + Uneducated = Highly Desirable Women

Source: http://whisper.sh/

The quote is not true.

But the equation below is true.

Beautiful + Uneducated = Highly Desirable Women

That's reality.

Why?

A while ago, I heard a piece of news on a local Chinese TV channel in Singapore about a Vietnamese woman who married a Singaporean lorry driver. The driver was poor and didn't have a house. They ate, slept and lived their daily lives on the lorry. The Vietnamese wife couldn't work because she was on social visit pass. The rental cost on the public market was too high for them. They were also not eligible to apply for public rental unit from the Government. The good (or bad) news was the Vietnamese wife was a few months' pregnant. The news was brought to the attention of the government authorities. An exception was made and they were given a public rental unit for one year provided that they purchase a government flat after that.

See The Straits Times's coverage of this news here.

Even a foreigner with little education could have a chance to find love and be married to foreign land with better opportunities and could set up her family here.

What can I say?

Maybe it's in her destiny that she will have a better life.

For the rest of us, we have to keep going, keep moving and better ourselves so that we will better luck. There's no certainty in the dating and marriage games but we can increase of chances to win!

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Ugly + Educated = Low Quality Women

Source: Slideshare

Ugly + Educated = Low Quality Women

Why this equation?

Because I can see only low quality men wanting me to be their girlfriend.

Men who are Indians and cannot find Indian women to be their girlfriends.

Men who are Muslims and cannot find Muslim women to be their girlfriends.

Men who are unemployed or poor.

Men who are chauvinistic and expect women to listen to their orders (in the 21st century! I am not kidding you!)

Men who are divorced.

Men who are over 50 years old.

Men who are recuperating from serious illnesses.

Men who only have primary school education.

Men who don't groom themselves.

Men who are always busy flying here and there and still want to date girls and expect their girlfriends to spend most of her time alone.

Do these men think I'm such a low quality woman?

I have worked hard in life to get a good education with very little resources in my families. When I was young, there wasn't enough food to eat sometimes and I went hungry through the nights. Don't I deserve something better now? Or is it because of my God-given ugly looks that I'm not perceived as high quality woman?

The worst thing is my parents have given me their combined looks and they have no idea why I can't get a proper boyfriend and still place the entire blame on me.

I hope that the ugly duckling that I am now can become a beautiful swan in the future and that means going under the knife for my face and teeth, the two biggest weaknesses in my looks.

To me, as I have said in my previous posts, inner beauty is the most important. I would rather work on my brain and my mind rather than going for something superficial as looks. So, that big equation at the top is really meant to explain how other people perceive you and me. Yes, many successful people will say, "don't care about what other people say about you". However, the reality is people must be willing to perceive you in a good light before you can become successful or popular. People want to look at someone with pleasant looks.

Work on your looks as well as on your brains and minds to gain double competitive edge over other women.

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Your cousin is beautiful but you are not? So who can you blame?

Source: PictureQuotes.com

I tried to find the screenshot but couldn't. Apologies.

I shared with a guy about my cousin who all the while has told everyone around her she didn't want to get married but suddenly had a change of mind. As if there was magic, within a short time, her eldest brother found her a good match. They dated for only one year before the guy proposed to her. They officially consummated one year later and in the third year of their marriage had their first kid. Everything simply flowed smoothly.

This guy then gave me those comments, telling me that "your cousin is beautiful but you are not. So who can you blame?"

Yes I can blame someone else.

I blame my parents. I want to blame them for not being beautiful and handsome. Otherwise, I would not have to get this kind of comment from men.

But, what this guy said has a bit of truth in it.

If I inherited certain genes from my parents, I have only myself to blame right? It is I who inherited the genes. My parents merely provided the gene pool from which I'm created from but the final product came from me who did the final assembly right?

Ya. I'm to be blamed for everything. My ugliness, loneliness.

But the good thing is, I frequently prep-talk myself out of those depressing thoughts. I managed to find ways to keep myself engaged in positive and fulfilling activities such as blogging and photography.

I have written several eBooks which are on sale on Amazon Kindle, and this Dating Nightmares blog of mine has been fairly successful. I have fulfilled one of my goals of being a blogger and a writer! I have done it! And I'm slowly progressing to fulfill some of my other goals such as being a trainer and coach.

I am trying my best to live a good life. As for the rest, I don't care.

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Parents should ask themselves if they are beautiful or handsome enough before they give birth to a baby girl

Source: http://www.freak4mypet.com/

I have written a few post about the importance of being beauty.

Believe me, I'm someone who looks more for inner beauty than outer beauty simply because I'm not a beauty myself. I like to learn and I think it's better to feed my mind with good brainfood (knowledge, skills, wisdom) than to be pretty on the outside but hollow in the insides.

But I was very naive about what most people think around me.

Now I understand why mums and dads, grandpas and grandmas like to comment whether their newborn child or grandchild is beautiful or handsome because people want to be beautiful and handsome. The reason why cosmetic surgeons flourish is because many people pursue beauty. Beauty is such a big thing in our society and I was living in my own shell, thinking that education will save me despite not having the looks.

But alas!

I knew too late. Even after now I have found out how society works, I still don't have the motivation to pursue beauty. Well, beauty is only skin deep and we all grow old one day. Whereas, with new knowledge, new skills, new insight, better mindset, my brain can be kept young and active!

A few friends and many strangers (can you imagine even people I don't know are also so kind to offer their advice) told my I should go for cosmetic surgery to become more beautiful. Actually, I'm not very ugly; I'm just less beautiful than other women. I don't have the motivation to go under the knife and risk all kinds of infection. A surgery is still a surgery, whether for medical or cosmetic!

Even my mum told me I was ugly simply because I looked like my grandpa (my mum's father). She lamented that instead of inheriting the good genes, I had inherited all the bad genes. As if I have the ability to choose which genes to inherit! (Good news is with CRISPR, a well-established genetic engineering technique that allows us to splice the DNA at very precise location, parents in the future will be able to choose how the child will look like and how smart their child will be).

I was very angry.

How I wish I could tell my mother that she should make sure that she's a beauty and my father's is a handsome prince before marring and give birth to me rather than expecting me to be a pretty girl when both of them are not exceptionally good-looking! Does she know I'm suffering now because of all the bad genes and she and my father carry? Is she aware because I'm not beautiful enough many men have rejected me?

Before any couple marries, make sure you are good looking or else your girl or boy will suffer, especially the girls, because guys look for beauty. This is something by nature and they cannot control. In case, your girl is not good looking enough, apologise to her and tell her you will do your best to find her a mate and stop blaming them for not being pretty enough because their genes came from you!

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The only thing that women need to succeed in this world: it's not good education

First, let me define what success means to me, because success means different things to different women and with a proper definition, I can set the table straight.

To me, these are what I think being a successful woman means to to me:

1. Highly educated (at least a degree) or being accomplished in a vocation/professions/business
2. Have as many positive, sincere, and genuine lifetime friends
3. Have good family relationships.
4. Have a good marriage and raise good kids
5. Contribute actively to the improvement of certain disadvantaged communities
6. Being able to do what she's passionate about at all times

I really naively thought that being educated, being informed about the world was the most important thing and would allow me to achieve the rest of the five points. In my whole life, I have been pursuing more and more education so that I can understand the truth about how the world really works and stop being ignorant (my Junior College English teacher has used this word to comment a lot on my argumentative essays and it spurred me to read the newspapers and current affairs books voraciously, eventually I passed with A). But it is not this way in the real world, at least from what I have experienced.

On Friends...
I feel very fortunate to have a few steadfast friends who are always there to push me to higher grounds, always daring to become better, move out of my comfort zone, and to always be seeking new knowledge and skills and seeking out new experiences. However, many more are those who only care for themselves. This happens not only among friends, but my close relatives as well. These people expect you to help them when they need help but when you ask them for them another time, they will come up with many excuses why they can't do it.

On Family Relationships...
If I had known earlier how my mum thinks, maybe I would never have pushed myself so hard to learn. I have only one sibling, my younger sister who has only completed some basic vocational training. Thus, she could only work in jobs that offer lower salary. On the other hand, because I have a degree, I could work in jobs that offer higher salary. Because of this, my mother told me my sister did not have to give her allowance but I had to. I was very furious because I thought that we very unfair and we had a lot of arguments and fights that remained unresolved even now.

On Marriage...
I can't even talk about marriage. Because I only have some brains but with no looks, this is still out of reach for me. A friend of mine, who is a devoted Christian, shared with me that she has church friend who is a mum. She wrote down all the qualities she wanted to see in her future son-in-law and not long after, her daughter indeed met a guy who matched her description 100%! She told me to do the same and pray hard and have a strong faith. I did. Hopefully things will change.

On Social Involvement and Pursuing What I'm Passionate About...
Being a corporate slave, most of my time is sold to my employer and my bosses. There's very leeway to be active in community work and to do what I'm really passionate about (if you are curious what I'm passionate about, I really want to compose music, draw, coach, write my own apps, build robots, and do something to protect the environment and lift people out of poverty).

After looking at two cases, one from my cousin and one from my student's mum, I know this is not true any more.

She is a university-degree holder working in civil service and was advising me to enter the banking industry when there's currently a wave of retrenching sweeping across the industry right now. So what if she's naive and ignorant? With some beauty and good luck, she's in good marriage now. Read a bit more about my cousin's story here.

Read more about what I have to say about my student's mum here.

I think, the most important thing for women to be born with a beautiful face and beautiful figure (it doesn't matter she's an informed or ignorant person) so that she has the luck to find a good man to married to carry on life with ease.

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Education does not save women; Beauty does, Luck does

Source: https://thesocietypages.org

Since I was young, my mother had repeated drilled into my brain that I had to study hard so that I could have a better future.

As I work and observe things around me, I find many different pathways to success.

If you have read my bio at side of this blog, you will know I work as a software developer but I also tutor. There are two reason I do this: a passion for teaching, and also the need to supplement my meagre income. Contrary to what software engineers earn in the USA, which averages USD80,000 to USD100,000, all kinds of engineers in Singapore earn around SGD40,000 to SGD80,000. Things are not so rosy here when it comes to salary.

So, I worked really hard. I was a very obedient child and I listened to every advice my mother gave me. I had a good education. With my excellent primary school results, I was qualified to enter the top 10 secondary schools in Singapore. I had received a very good excellent secondary education and I am very grateful to my alma mater. She has made me bilingual in both English, the language of commerce, and Chinese, the language most dear to me. I then moved on to a good Junior College and then earn a good degree in Computer Engineering in one of the best universities here in Singapore.

Recently, I gave tuition to an eleven-year-old girl. She's a mixed, her father being a Chinese Singaporean while her mother is a Chinese Vietnamese who doesn't know how to speak any English. None! Zero!

Since young, my mother had always told me that English is very important and would secure a better future for me. I often only received a borderline pass for my English, even though I had studied very hard. However, I never gave up and I gradually improved by a lot. Even the founding Prime Minister of Singapore, Lee Kuan Yew, emphasised English language education so much that he converted all schools in Singapore into English schools after Singapore's independence.

Yet, that mastery of English together with a good engineering degree did not give me a good life. I don't live in a landed property. I am not married to a good husband. I don't have any child yet. I don't even have a boyfriend.

So when this girl told me her mum was a Vietnamese who spoke only Chinese and worked in her father's business as an accountant, I was very surprised. Her mum is expecting her fourth child now and her entire family lives in a landed property in East Coast, an estate full of private properties resided by many rich families.

I thought you would not have a good life if you didn't know how to speak English?

Life is not a science. It all depends on your luck or destiny.

So, I got a good education. I got a pretty decent job. However, maybe because of my looks, I got tons and tons of rejections from men. But I got lots and lots of appeals from the Indian and Bangladeshi men. I really have no interest in them. I'm very disappointed that all my good education is only enough to attract Indian and Bangladeshi construction workers. Is that all I deserve after putting in so much hard work in my life?

Just like the Disney princesses, sometimes beauty and luck are just what women need to live their lives like a fairy tale story.

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Beauty and the Beast

Source: Pinterest

Disney's recreation of the classic fairy tale story "Beauty and the Beast" will be out soon in March 2017. I am looking forward to it very much and I plan to spend ticket money to go to the cinema theatre to watch it. It will be my first movie in a cinema theatre since 3 or 4 years ago. It will star Emma Watson (Belle) and Dan Stevens (Beast). I love this story very much. Even though the last time I watched Disney's animated version of Beauty and the Beast was more than a decade ago when I was a kid, I couldn't forget the story, the beautiful Belle, the monstrous but kind Beast, the romantic love story between them, how the smell was broken by pure and true love and of course, the beautiful music scattered throughout the film composed by the genius Alan Menken.

However, as I try to find love in my own life, I really struggle. Every corner I turn into, I have to face the rejection due to not being very pretty.

I wonder if Beauty is not really a beauty, would her match with the Beast still be a success? If the Beast doesn't find Belle a pretty girl, would he still fall in love with her? If Belle is not the most beautiful girl in town, would the brawny but brainless Gaston still take notice of her?

Belle has been successful finding true love not only because of her good nature, but because of her above-average good looks.

I love this story so much and I thought every girl will have this kind of happy story in her life. I am a bit disillusioned because the stark reality is rather harsh. I overlooked the fact that Belle was a beauty and it would be easier to be successful in finding a man who would love her back.

However, I'm keeping my fingers crossed. Because it was God who gave me my looks, there must a good reason for it. I don't think God put me here on Earth to go through the mortals' moderns weapons of beauty such as cosmetic surgery and breast enhancement. There must be better and bigger things awaiting me, right? God must be trying to teach me to look beyond beauty and to look down into a person's heart right?

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Ugly women: Sorry, you are out of the game arena

Source: www.akairan.com

As a child, when I watched Cinderella, everything is straightforward. Cinderella had endured a lot of hardship. She lost her parents at a young age and was tortured by her stepmother to work long hours everyday. She had to wake up before everyone else and had only to sleep when others had long gone to bed. However, she had a heart made of gold. She was refined, cultured, and full of kindness. Therefore, it was only right that the Prince chose her and she deserved everlasting happiness.

But as I grew up, I thought about more aspects. (That's a problem of being an adult. Sometimes, we may be thinking too much about unnecessary things that do not exist at all.)

Could Anastasia and Drizella, the stepsisters of Cinderella, have lost out because they were not as beautiful as Cinderella?

Many would argue that that is not the case. This is because the stepsisters are evil. They have a wicked heart and are self-centred. So, they don't deserve to have the love of the Prince.

But what if the stepsisters have a good heart but are ugly? What if they are better in character than Cinderella but not as pretty as Cinderella? Would the prince choose the stepsisters over Cinderella? Maybe.

Could the Prince have chosen Cinderella if she was not that pretty? 

If Cinderella was average-looking, could the Prince still have spotted her and danced with her? Maybe not. This is because the Prince couldn't have known Cinderella's character just from her looks.

Although I really don't like all those "constructive criticism" (people have told me to keep long hair, wear contact lenses instead of glasses, eat more to gain more weight, put on thicker makeup, wear more brightly coloured clothes, straighten my teeth, saw my jaws, have breast enhancement, pull my legs so that I can gain height, go for plastic surgery to have double eyelids so that my eyes appear bigger), but they are all true. In the beginning, I was quite stubborn. I chose not to listen. But then reality informs me that it's true. When I chatted with men, the first thing they want to know is my height and weight and age and full-body photo. Usually, after I sent my photo, that would be the end of the line. I never hear anything from them anymore. So I understood how cruel the dating world can be.

I have already tried my best to do whatever I can with the resources that I have. But still, for those feedback that suggested me to undergo surgery, I simply can't do it. How can I risk my body for men who don't even care about who I really am?

So, bottom line: single women, take care of your appearance. It helps.


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Beauty determines everything in dating

Source: http://shinyswan.com/

I never thought that beauty was the only thing that matters in dating and finding a life partner until I step out into the real world. My mother told me the key to good life is a good education. So, I really focused on that.

I felt a bit regretful for not learning about make up and dressing sexily when I was younger. But then, I really have very little interest in those things. When one doesn't have interest, why would she bother to find out?

I thought the best thing was to do was to have good skincare and that it didn't matter whether I had makeup on my face.

My 3 mantras about beauty:

Beauty is only skin deep.

Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.

Inner beauty is better than outer beauty.

All the while, I subscribed to those mantras in my life. I was of the belief if I always showed my true self, be myself, that guys would see I'm real and would take interest in me.

For years, I waited for a guy.

It was only after I went to dating agencies, talked to female friends, listened to unsolicited advice from relatives and from countless sharing of my photo with guys on Whatsapp that I finally became more self-conscious. I'm not ugly, but compared to many average-looking girls, I have below-average looks. Many guys were more interested in my weight and height and pestering me to send them my photos than asking me about my interests. It seemed many of them were only interested in my physical attributes than my other intangible attributes. Do they realise that 20 years later I will just be an old lady and beauty won't matter anymore from that time onwards?

However, the reality of dating is such.

So, I went to some course that teach about grooming and after some experimentation, I found some haircuts and makeup colours that suited me more than others. I hope this will help to increase my chance.

If you don't think you have an attractive appearance, start to read more fashion magazines, window-shop more, take care of your skin and groom yourself better. This is a practical world and beauty is more important than anything else. Even if you are 70 years old but you look half the age, some guys would still want you.

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The myths and truths of dating for women

Source: Pexel Stock Images

The Myths:

Myth 1: Women have unrealistic high expectations about men

When I tell a man that dating is difficult, the first reaction that I get from countless chats with men is that my expectation must be too high on men. They haven't even first found out what my expectations are in the first place and evaluated them to see if they are really that high. So women, if you are rejected by a man, it may not be your fault. I know my expectations are not high. They are fairly typical, because I have shared my expectations with some friends and strangers and they told me my list is quite normal. Maybe it is not you who have high expectations. Maybe your expectations are very typical of many women, just that the men you meet are either below average and feel inferior and not confident about themselves, or those who have out-of-this-world expectations about women. If this is the case, you should be happy about getting rejected because these guys would not be able to give you the happiness you seek anyway. Getting rejected by unqualified men also prevents you from wasting time on them and you can use your most valuable time to seek men who are truly what you really want to seek.

Myth 2: You are too busy

I really don't understand why men must assume it is the women who are the busy ones. They should really start to examine if they are actually the busy ones. I chatted with some guys who are always flying in and out of the country and told them straight that if they did not have the time to build a relationship I would not be interested in them.

Myth 3: Just be yourself

Many men said, "just be yourself" or "I want to see the real you". That is a lie. I'm by nature a very mathematical and technical person, unlike most women. I studied computer engineering. Engineering itself is already a very male-dominated discipline and what's more, a computer engineering course is even more male-dominated because many girls tell me they cannot handle mathematics. I like robotics. I do not like handbags, shoes, lipsticks, blushes, mascara and so on. I do not like to gossip, a woman's favourite past time. I'm not a 三姑六婆 (female gossiper) by nature. Furthermore, because of family issues, I have learned to be independent. But most men don't like. They prefer the stereotypical woman instead. So, sometimes, I do have to pretend I'm a weak woman when I'm on a date. I have to become what they want a woman to be instead of seeing my real self.

The Truths:

Truth 1: The importance of beauty

Many people (guys especially) tell me that beauty is not a factor in seeking a date or a partner and that beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder. Surprisingly, when women gave me advice, they always told me to be more pretty. Wisdom to be learned here: don't ever trust what guys say. Guys are more ruled by sexual desire than by their brains or heart.

No matter what, women got to be beautiful. Regardless of what your nationality is, what your education level is, whether you are divorced before or have always been single, or whether you have high or low expectations for men, being beautiful will lend you opportunities for more dates and hence, better chance of being in a long-term relationship. See my previous post "You are not that pretty". You will then understand even the guys themselves are not good-looking, they still have the unrealistic expectation that their girlfriends must be a beauty in order to match up to them.

Truth 2: There are a lot more insincere guys than the sincere ones.

Ever since I posted an ad in locanto looking for a boyfriend to settle down, over 200 guys have contacted me. Most are insincere. Some look for sex while others are looking for friends or friends with benefits. A bunch of crazy people! I have already written down in detail for guys to contact me only if they are looking for settle down. It looks like these guys don't bother to read and of course, for guys who don't even bother to read, these are definitely disqualified because if they are not serious and sincere enough to read in detail, how much do you think they will care about you?

In this list of over 200 guys, I have only managed to talk enough to fewer than 20 men and out of these 20 men, I have only met 4 and are currently monitoring which one will be the one that lasts.

So if you are there looking for someone on your own, you might need to prepare to slough it out. Not many women are as lucky as my cousin who never need to go to any matchmaking session. She only had one boyfriend in her life and that man became her husband and she didn't even have to look for him as it was found and introduced by her eldest brother. So be prepared mentally to meet a lot of unreasonable and insincere guys who may break your heart. Well, low-hanging fruits are easier to get but have lower quality. If you want to meet someone with better calibre, you might have to wait a while.

Truth 3: There are fewer and fewer "clean" guys out there.

My definition of clean refers to guys who have never been married and about the same age as you. I'm in my early 30s but there were quite a number of guys over 50 years and guys in their early 20s who contacted me. I'm not someone who mind a guy who is much younger but he must be mature. Unfortunately, most guys in their 20s are not. I have been through the ups and downs of life and so most of the times, I feel I'm talking to a boy instead of a man with someone who is in their 20s. There are also many who are divorced, some have no kids while others have.

So, ignore those who say there are still many guys out there. Yes, there are many but many have been through the failure of marriage. It is still possible to develop a relationship with these kinds of guys but you have to deal with their baggage of a past unhappy marriage and possible even children from their previous marriage.

To really have a relationship with a guy who has never been married, and who is around the same age as you, this number is decreasing as you grow older.

So hurry up!!!

Truth 4: There is still a thing call male domination.

I rejected so many guys who still want obedient women who will cater to their every need and want. They told me they want a woman who obeys them and always agrees with them. Some always say they have high sex drive and are finding a woman who can have sex with them every day and have many children with them. Knock, knock! This is the 21st century and women are no longer stupid. They have their own opinions too. So don't treat them like a child-bearing machine (that is, a pig) only. Have you men forgotten about what is love and respect?

If you, like me, who prefers a more-equal power distribution, then be prepared for many disappointments.


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"You are not that pretty."

Sorry I was angry I deleted the whatsapp message. I would really like to show you the real message that guy sent.

I know I'm not pretty. That's why I always tell the guy if you are looking for a beauty, do not consider me.

I don't care so much if I'm not a pretty girl if the guy who tells me so is a handsome guy. (My definition of handsome is someone who has the looks of Leslie Cheung, Tom Cruise, Brad Pitt, or Orlando Bloom).

Leslie Cheung. Source: JPopAsia

Tom Cruise. Source: Sizzling Superstars

Brad Pitt. Source: www.celebritybeliefs.com

Orlando Bloom. Source: http://lotr.wikia.com

But that guy isn't even handsome for a start. The name of this guy is Muhammad Jabir.

Muhammad Jabir, do you really think you are so handsome that you can demand pretty girls to be your girlfriend? Good luck finding her.

Muhammad Jabir, you arranged a date with me and confirmed with me and you cancelled at the last minute after I sent my photo to you without informing me you had a change of mind. Good luck to you, Jabir.

This is how society works. There's no love anymore.

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