People take relationship very lightly in these days

Source: https://wall.alphacoders.com/

As I was still receiving Whatsapp messages from men who saw my ads on Locanto, and as I was in a relatively steady relationship with my boyfriend, I decided to expire those ads. Still, I receive messages now and then but much fewer now though.

I found that there were some men who took relationship so lightly. The first question can ask is: Can I be your boyfriend? Or, can you be my girlfriend?

Come on. You and I don't know each other and you think I'm just going to say YES?

These guys don't know what relationship is and are looking for instant condiments to quickly flavour their taste buds.

In this age of rapid technological development, we are always told to change things quickly, to look forward and adapt to survive. I agree to change, if is it good for us.

However, good relationship is something I won't compromise. It has been shown that have good relationships maintain the harmony and stability of society, helping to reduce mental problems. I would say I won't want to have any changes to the basic nature of relationship.

Relationship needs to be taken seriously. It needs time to nurture and develop. If there's one thing in this world that shouldn't change, relationship will be the one.

I look forward to a world where people take time away from work more often to spend the limited time they have with their family, loved ones and good friends.

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We're not meant to be

There are some girls in this world who can find boyfriends very easily. In the past, I have heard conversations on the trains when I was commuting that that so-and-so girl broke up with her ex-boyfriend the previous week but found a new one the next.

I often listened to stories with envy.

How can a girl find a compatible guy so quickly? Are there always so many compatible guys around her? Why is she so lucky to have these guys around her for her to pick and choose?

As I get to know more guys, I find that there are so many factors to consider.

For example, one of the examples is his education background. I don't discriminate potential partners according to their education background. This is why I chat with men with primary school education, secondary school, high school education, degree holders like me, or even those who have higher degrees. Education is only one aspect of a person. It is not enough to know an entire person. There are successful businessmen who have very little formal education. So, I don't see education as the most important criterion. However, I find that the way men who have at least a high school education or polytechnic education will have a similar world view as I and that scores a point in evaluating whether we are compatible with each other.

Another factor is their professions. In general, certain kinds of jobs attract people with certain characters. For example, sales & marketing people are more extrovert and impatient. I'm an introvert but I don't mind going out with an extrovert. But some men are very particular about whether a girl is extrovert or introvert. So this can make or break a conversation.

The third factor is their personality and the way they talk with you. These give you a hint of their true character. There are some men who don't know how to talk or who are not sincere in the way they communicate. There are some men who talk nonsense. Guys who are compatible with you make your day when you talk to him

The fourth is having common goals and dreams. I think one reason why my current boyfriend has chosen me to be his girlfriend is because we both have dreams of wanting to earn big money and give our parents a good life. We both want to have children. We both place equal importance on family and career. We aim to leave corporate one day.

The fifth is family background. Different kinds of family raise children with different habits. In my family, I'm taught to repair and reuse old stuff until they have absolutely no value. However, some man may be disgusted with this kind of practice. To me, this kind of habit is normal and looking at the big picture, it can help us to reduce waste and spend less money. Some people always like to have new stuff. My current boyfriend came from a poor childhood as well, so we are very careful when buying and using stuff.

The sixth is time, that is, his availability. Availability is a measure of his sincerity. In all the past relationships, I have to beg the guy to meet me. Like a female friend who told me recently, the right guy would be someone where everything ran smoothly. For while, I didn't believe her. But now, I do. I do not have to beg my current boyfriend to meet me. He took the initiative to ask me out for dinners. He took the initiative to invite me to join his family for dinner. He asked me about my day. He's genuinely interested in whatever I'm doing. Whenever I want to go out during the weekend, he would join me. We trekked in the nature reserves and strolled in various parks together.

The final one is comfort. How he looks, how he carries himself, how he talks to you and other people. The combined feeling of all the factors above.

I understand some of us are not meant to be together. If so, say so and don't beat around the bush.

We're not meant to be. Took this guy two weeks to reveal his true intentions. All the time I thought we were okay.

Had a difficult time talking with this guy. I told him I started a Facebook fan page to promote travelling to Singapore. Who do you think the target audience of my fan page will be? It is travellers from other countries outside of Singapore that I'm looking at. However, this guy was telling there's such a small population in Singapore and questioning me the value of gathering many likes on the fan page. I told him this is not for Singapore people. It's for people all over the world and there are 7 billion people. Yet, he was telling me that having 100 likes on the page is having too many followers. He's not making sense. Of course, we cannot continue our conversation anymore from that point.

This guy doesn't have time for building a relationship. He's not ready yet he still wants to contact me. I told him not to waste his or mine time. This guy has not heart and space in his life for relationship. Even though he has already built up the foundation for his career, he continued to pour his time and effort into it. One day, when he retires, he will realise that his job is gone and he has no one by his side to share his life with. He will realise then that he's blinded by career and money.

Patching Up After A Breakup

I don't know whether it's good or bad news to know that my friend KL has patched up with his ex-girlfriend.

I heard from him that the girl has totally transformed herself. There's a 360-degree change in her attitude towards him. I hope it's a permanent change.

Who doesn't want this to be a good news? Who doesn't want this world to be filled more with love? who doesn't want this world to have one more couple?

I hope for the best for him.

But I'm still keeping my fingers crossed and telling him to continue his relationship for the next one month or so.

Bless you.

And readers, please bless my friend too! Thank you!

What is your opinion about patching up shortly after a break up? Do leave your comments with me.

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Breaking Up A Relationship Can Be A Happy Event To Celebrate

If a relationship is toxic, why cling on to it?

In my previous post, "Dating Advice For A Friend", you know about a friend I have, known as KL.

After thinking through his relationship and a numerology reading, he has finally decided to break up. I feel happy for him. I'm not sadistic but I think the relationship does not meet his objective.

His girlfriend wants an interesting person but KL is a down-to-earth person (to the point of being too boring ;-)).

She expects 100% devotion, to the point of sacrificing KL's time for his parents, friends, work and leisure. There's no right and wrong, because sometimes, people do go into relationships that all people around them object to. But I can tell KL is not ready to sacrifice all this friends and family members yet.

She expects 100% obedience. If she wants my friend KL to arrive by a certain time, and if he did not arrive by the exact, she will be gone.

She expects him to take the blame for anything that goes bad during a date, even though it doesn't stem from KL fault. For example, once they boarded a public bus that smelled and she became angry with KL and blamed him.

She's paranoid. By accident, she discovered KL's Instagram account which my friend had not used for a long time since he's broken down with his ex-girlfriend. It was an account that he set up with when he was still with his ex-girlfriend and he forgot about deleting it when the relationship ended. His current girlfriend was mad assuming that he had tried to hide this past relationship from her and also possibly assuming he was still keeping in touch with his ex. A fierce argument resulted.

As social animals, each one of us has different roles to play, depending on the context. We are a friend when we are in our social groups. We are a child, a sibling or a cousin when we are with our families. We are colleagues when we are in our work environment. We are a sports lover when we indulge in our favourite sports. We are not hermits. If KL takes up this relationship, life is going to turn upside down.

Every one has a past. A healthy relationship should be one where each party accepts each other's past. The focus should not be on the past, but the present and the future. This does not mean we cannot ask or should not share anything about our past relationships. We can and we should to understand each other better, but it should be done with maturity and without judgement.

A Tip For Breaking Up A Relationship

I'm happy that my friend KL has decided to break up this relationship with his incompatible girlfriend but he's not doing it the right way.

He has met up with her and told her in a tactful way that the relationship is over. But he's still responding to his now ex-girlfriend messages. His ex-girlfriend now thinks he still cares for her and is thinking of getting him back into a relationship with her.

What do you think my friend should do?

I would think he should stay away from any form of communication for a few months with her until the emotions has fully died down.

Objective For Building and Having A Relationship

I don't object to any girl that my friend wants to be with. If he just wants to have a girlfriend for the simple reason of having a companion for fun, I think the girl is good enough. Anyway, she's keeping every day of his life busy by asking him to do this and that, conforming to her in every way and quarrelling with him on almost everything.

But I understand that my friend's objective is a potential marriage at the end of the courtship. Therefore, I don't think this girl is suitable for him. That's why I'm happy for him when he has finally thought things through and broken up with her (although he's not doing it the right way).

Should You Continue To Keep In Touch With Your Ex?

I don't. But I know some people do so. I guess there is no right or wrong way. It all depends on both parties. If the relationship can truly transform from romantic to platonic, why not? After all, you can continue to keep a friend instead of losing it all.

However, if your ex is married now, you have to consider his or her spouse. Some spouses are sensitive to ex-relationships. If you continue to stay in touch with your ex, misunderstanding may occur. Extra-marital affairs may be accused on you.

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