Ugly women: Sorry, you are out of the game arena

Source: www.akairan.com

As a child, when I watched Cinderella, everything is straightforward. Cinderella had endured a lot of hardship. She lost her parents at a young age and was tortured by her stepmother to work long hours everyday. She had to wake up before everyone else and had only to sleep when others had long gone to bed. However, she had a heart made of gold. She was refined, cultured, and full of kindness. Therefore, it was only right that the Prince chose her and she deserved everlasting happiness.

But as I grew up, I thought about more aspects. (That's a problem of being an adult. Sometimes, we may be thinking too much about unnecessary things that do not exist at all.)

Could Anastasia and Drizella, the stepsisters of Cinderella, have lost out because they were not as beautiful as Cinderella?

Many would argue that that is not the case. This is because the stepsisters are evil. They have a wicked heart and are self-centred. So, they don't deserve to have the love of the Prince.

But what if the stepsisters have a good heart but are ugly? What if they are better in character than Cinderella but not as pretty as Cinderella? Would the prince choose the stepsisters over Cinderella? Maybe.

Could the Prince have chosen Cinderella if she was not that pretty? 

If Cinderella was average-looking, could the Prince still have spotted her and danced with her? Maybe not. This is because the Prince couldn't have known Cinderella's character just from her looks.

Although I really don't like all those "constructive criticism" (people have told me to keep long hair, wear contact lenses instead of glasses, eat more to gain more weight, put on thicker makeup, wear more brightly coloured clothes, straighten my teeth, saw my jaws, have breast enhancement, pull my legs so that I can gain height, go for plastic surgery to have double eyelids so that my eyes appear bigger), but they are all true. In the beginning, I was quite stubborn. I chose not to listen. But then reality informs me that it's true. When I chatted with men, the first thing they want to know is my height and weight and age and full-body photo. Usually, after I sent my photo, that would be the end of the line. I never hear anything from them anymore. So I understood how cruel the dating world can be.

I have already tried my best to do whatever I can with the resources that I have. But still, for those feedback that suggested me to undergo surgery, I simply can't do it. How can I risk my body for men who don't even care about who I really am?

So, bottom line: single women, take care of your appearance. It helps.


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Beauty determines everything in dating

Source: http://shinyswan.com/

I never thought that beauty was the only thing that matters in dating and finding a life partner until I step out into the real world. My mother told me the key to good life is a good education. So, I really focused on that.

I felt a bit regretful for not learning about make up and dressing sexily when I was younger. But then, I really have very little interest in those things. When one doesn't have interest, why would she bother to find out?

I thought the best thing was to do was to have good skincare and that it didn't matter whether I had makeup on my face.

My 3 mantras about beauty:

Beauty is only skin deep.

Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.

Inner beauty is better than outer beauty.

All the while, I subscribed to those mantras in my life. I was of the belief if I always showed my true self, be myself, that guys would see I'm real and would take interest in me.

For years, I waited for a guy.

It was only after I went to dating agencies, talked to female friends, listened to unsolicited advice from relatives and from countless sharing of my photo with guys on Whatsapp that I finally became more self-conscious. I'm not ugly, but compared to many average-looking girls, I have below-average looks. Many guys were more interested in my weight and height and pestering me to send them my photos than asking me about my interests. It seemed many of them were only interested in my physical attributes than my other intangible attributes. Do they realise that 20 years later I will just be an old lady and beauty won't matter anymore from that time onwards?

However, the reality of dating is such.

So, I went to some course that teach about grooming and after some experimentation, I found some haircuts and makeup colours that suited me more than others. I hope this will help to increase my chance.

If you don't think you have an attractive appearance, start to read more fashion magazines, window-shop more, take care of your skin and groom yourself better. This is a practical world and beauty is more important than anything else. Even if you are 70 years old but you look half the age, some guys would still want you.

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Dating Nightmares: Merry Christmas 2016 to all Single Women! May you find love during this lovely season!

Dear All,

Thanks for your support for this blog throughout this year. I still have a lot to learn about how to write better blog posts and be a better blogger. If you have any feedback, I would love to hear from you. Just fill up the feedback form found on the side of this blog or just leave a comment below to let me know what you think.

The purpose of this blog is to share my dating experience so that women who are still single and still looking out for that special man in their lives would benefit from my dating ideas here, read about my dating failures and try to avoid them as much as possible. So, the major audience this blog is for is for you single women out there still looking for love.

For men, maybe you will find this blog as an entertainment. But perhaps, you can learn from here some of your practices that irks women out there. If you seriously want to find a life partner, make sure you read this blog.

I hope I will find that special person in my life soon and I sincerely, from the bottom of my heart, wish that you, the single woman out there, too, will find the same.

A Happy Merry Christmas 2016!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

With Love,
Sharon
Your Dating Blogger & Advisor

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The myths and truths of dating for women

Source: Pexel Stock Images

The Myths:

Myth 1: Women have unrealistic high expectations about men

When I tell a man that dating is difficult, the first reaction that I get from countless chats with men is that my expectation must be too high on men. They haven't even first found out what my expectations are in the first place and evaluated them to see if they are really that high. So women, if you are rejected by a man, it may not be your fault. I know my expectations are not high. They are fairly typical, because I have shared my expectations with some friends and strangers and they told me my list is quite normal. Maybe it is not you who have high expectations. Maybe your expectations are very typical of many women, just that the men you meet are either below average and feel inferior and not confident about themselves, or those who have out-of-this-world expectations about women. If this is the case, you should be happy about getting rejected because these guys would not be able to give you the happiness you seek anyway. Getting rejected by unqualified men also prevents you from wasting time on them and you can use your most valuable time to seek men who are truly what you really want to seek.

Myth 2: You are too busy

I really don't understand why men must assume it is the women who are the busy ones. They should really start to examine if they are actually the busy ones. I chatted with some guys who are always flying in and out of the country and told them straight that if they did not have the time to build a relationship I would not be interested in them.

Myth 3: Just be yourself

Many men said, "just be yourself" or "I want to see the real you". That is a lie. I'm by nature a very mathematical and technical person, unlike most women. I studied computer engineering. Engineering itself is already a very male-dominated discipline and what's more, a computer engineering course is even more male-dominated because many girls tell me they cannot handle mathematics. I like robotics. I do not like handbags, shoes, lipsticks, blushes, mascara and so on. I do not like to gossip, a woman's favourite past time. I'm not a 三姑六婆 (female gossiper) by nature. Furthermore, because of family issues, I have learned to be independent. But most men don't like. They prefer the stereotypical woman instead. So, sometimes, I do have to pretend I'm a weak woman when I'm on a date. I have to become what they want a woman to be instead of seeing my real self.

The Truths:

Truth 1: The importance of beauty

Many people (guys especially) tell me that beauty is not a factor in seeking a date or a partner and that beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder. Surprisingly, when women gave me advice, they always told me to be more pretty. Wisdom to be learned here: don't ever trust what guys say. Guys are more ruled by sexual desire than by their brains or heart.

No matter what, women got to be beautiful. Regardless of what your nationality is, what your education level is, whether you are divorced before or have always been single, or whether you have high or low expectations for men, being beautiful will lend you opportunities for more dates and hence, better chance of being in a long-term relationship. See my previous post "You are not that pretty". You will then understand even the guys themselves are not good-looking, they still have the unrealistic expectation that their girlfriends must be a beauty in order to match up to them.

Truth 2: There are a lot more insincere guys than the sincere ones.

Ever since I posted an ad in locanto looking for a boyfriend to settle down, over 200 guys have contacted me. Most are insincere. Some look for sex while others are looking for friends or friends with benefits. A bunch of crazy people! I have already written down in detail for guys to contact me only if they are looking for settle down. It looks like these guys don't bother to read and of course, for guys who don't even bother to read, these are definitely disqualified because if they are not serious and sincere enough to read in detail, how much do you think they will care about you?

In this list of over 200 guys, I have only managed to talk enough to fewer than 20 men and out of these 20 men, I have only met 4 and are currently monitoring which one will be the one that lasts.

So if you are there looking for someone on your own, you might need to prepare to slough it out. Not many women are as lucky as my cousin who never need to go to any matchmaking session. She only had one boyfriend in her life and that man became her husband and she didn't even have to look for him as it was found and introduced by her eldest brother. So be prepared mentally to meet a lot of unreasonable and insincere guys who may break your heart. Well, low-hanging fruits are easier to get but have lower quality. If you want to meet someone with better calibre, you might have to wait a while.

Truth 3: There are fewer and fewer "clean" guys out there.

My definition of clean refers to guys who have never been married and about the same age as you. I'm in my early 30s but there were quite a number of guys over 50 years and guys in their early 20s who contacted me. I'm not someone who mind a guy who is much younger but he must be mature. Unfortunately, most guys in their 20s are not. I have been through the ups and downs of life and so most of the times, I feel I'm talking to a boy instead of a man with someone who is in their 20s. There are also many who are divorced, some have no kids while others have.

So, ignore those who say there are still many guys out there. Yes, there are many but many have been through the failure of marriage. It is still possible to develop a relationship with these kinds of guys but you have to deal with their baggage of a past unhappy marriage and possible even children from their previous marriage.

To really have a relationship with a guy who has never been married, and who is around the same age as you, this number is decreasing as you grow older.

So hurry up!!!

Truth 4: There is still a thing call male domination.

I rejected so many guys who still want obedient women who will cater to their every need and want. They told me they want a woman who obeys them and always agrees with them. Some always say they have high sex drive and are finding a woman who can have sex with them every day and have many children with them. Knock, knock! This is the 21st century and women are no longer stupid. They have their own opinions too. So don't treat them like a child-bearing machine (that is, a pig) only. Have you men forgotten about what is love and respect?

If you, like me, who prefers a more-equal power distribution, then be prepared for many disappointments.


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Childish men and Cowardly men

Source: Pinterest

Using the two adjectives "childish" and "cowardly" may make you think I'm too harsh and too critical about men. Maybe they just want to let things go quietly.

I perfectly understand.

However, that doesn't mean it's a elegant way of handling things, at least to me.

As an adult, if you want to let me know you are no longer interested in seeing me, can't you men just give me a call or text me a simple message to say something like, "Sorry, I want to let you know that I think we are not suitable, so I won't be arranging to see you again." Can't you be more explicit?

Instead, most guys just kept quiet, leaving me to ask them whether they were not interested or were too busy to keep in touch.

Why do men no longer have guts these days?

Why must they let a woman like me to ask them whether they are still interested or not? Are they trying to save their own faces or do they think this will hurt me less?

Instead, this hurts me even more because I have no idea that you are no longer interested and still cling on to the idea that you are still interested in building a relationship.

Maybe this is one of the reason for the high divorce rates nowadays. It's so tired for women to take charge of everything while men just needed to escape to somewhere quietly without saying a word.

So be it. I'm more interested in mature men who will stand by me when difficult times arise. Childish and cowardice men will not be suitable men to take care of me for the rest of my life anyway.

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"You are not that pretty."

Sorry I was angry I deleted the whatsapp message. I would really like to show you the real message that guy sent.

I know I'm not pretty. That's why I always tell the guy if you are looking for a beauty, do not consider me.

I don't care so much if I'm not a pretty girl if the guy who tells me so is a handsome guy. (My definition of handsome is someone who has the looks of Leslie Cheung, Tom Cruise, Brad Pitt, or Orlando Bloom).

Leslie Cheung. Source: JPopAsia

Tom Cruise. Source: Sizzling Superstars

Brad Pitt. Source: www.celebritybeliefs.com

Orlando Bloom. Source: http://lotr.wikia.com

But that guy isn't even handsome for a start. The name of this guy is Muhammad Jabir.

Muhammad Jabir, do you really think you are so handsome that you can demand pretty girls to be your girlfriend? Good luck finding her.

Muhammad Jabir, you arranged a date with me and confirmed with me and you cancelled at the last minute after I sent my photo to you without informing me you had a change of mind. Good luck to you, Jabir.

This is how society works. There's no love anymore.

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This is THE ONLY WAY to ensure your dating and marriage is a SUCCESS (from legendary value investor Warren Buffet)

Source: Second Life Marketplace

Great people are great because they are not just good in their jobs. They have lots of wisdom in all areas of life. I was amazed at how simple and profoundly deep the idea that Warren Buffet gave about how to have a happy marriage.

Warren Buffet suggested having low expectations about your partner.

Fast forward the video to 36:10 and you will hear the following:
"
if you are going to get married
and you want a marriage that's going to last ....
not necessary the happiest marriage....
what quality do you look for in a spouse?
one quality
do you look for brains?
do you look for humour?
do you look for character?
do you look for beauty?
No.
You look for low expectations
That is the marriage that's going to last.
"

But I have already lowered my expectations so much. Yet, I still find no success... maybe God has arranged another life path for me... what to do...



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One of the common excuses girls should take note that tells you the guy is not interested in you

Source: Pinterest

A few months before, I met an Indian expatriate working in Singapore as an IT manager. We met 2 times before he said we didn't match each other. I'm totally fine with that but I wasn't happy with the way he handled this.

First, he said he was busy (as if he was free before knowing me). After we met, he said he was loaded with new projects, so many that he couldn't even get enough sleep himself. So he said he wasn't ready for a relationship.

Second, he didn't reveal he wasn't interested in me anymore until I forced him confess. I wondered why he couldn't tell me straight and made me guess his real intentions. For an entire week after meeting for the second time, I was the one who message him "Morning" every day. His reply was short, mainly greeting me back and asking how my day was. That's it. I became suspicious because he usually talked a lot. So by the end of the week, I confronted him and asked whether he was really interested in me. He finally confessed and it was a 'no'. I asked him why he didn't tell me straight because when I met him for the first time, I told him that if at anytime he was not interested, he had to say so immediately so as not to waste my time. He said he was waiting for the right time to tell me. I told him to get lost because he was wasting my time and making him hang on to him in a silly way.

After this Indian expatriate, recently I met a Chinese guy who also did the same thing. At first, he talked a lot then after that read my message but didn't bother to reply to me or replied very slowly (something like after a day or two). He also told me he was "bz as usual" and "nothing change" (quoting from his text messages directly). More about this in future posts. He hasn't told me straight yet that he's not interested. I am hoping he will tell me straight because he told me he was a straightforward guy.

I'm hating all these men who cannot behave like gentlemen and be more forthcoming and have to let the girls guess their intentions. Are they real men or not?

So busyness and not replying to you are the two biggest tell-tale signs he's letting go.

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Society should stop blaming women for low marriage rates and low fertility rates

Source: truthitself.com

This is a list of reasons that society blames the women for:

You are too busy to get married:
This is one of the accusation targeted at me, and perhaps at many other single women. At first, I thought it was so. I work from Monday to Friday in a professional day job and my weekends are packed full from morning to night with tutoring classes. Sometimes, on some nights of the weekdays, I have to give tuition as well, especially when it was near to the examination period. There is very little time for socialisation. But I can't help it because my family and myself need the money to survive. However, at a later time, I found that there is ABSOLUTELY NO TRUTH in this at all.

Some guys are even more busy. For example, I met an options trader before. On some days, he could be working 24 hours straight from his home (he's a self-employed). I have very little chance of meeting him. There's an IT manager working in a MNC who had multiple projects on hand and he couldn't even get himself enough sleep each day, let alone having the time for dating. There was a physical goods trader who work in a local Singapore trading company. He buys and sells spare car parts and entire cars and also commodities like coffee and tea. He has to fly around all over the world regularly and he has very little time for his friends and family, and of course, to set aside time for a girlfriend.

So, society should stop blaming women for procrastinating dating and marriage.

You are too career-minded:
Discrimination is very real and there's no financial security from men. Many employers are still treating employees as robot instead of humans. It is natural for people to get married and have children. Yet, pregnancy is not celebrated and is regarded as a nuisance for companies. They have lost sight that these babies may become future employees and consumers for their companies. So many women lose their jobs or have to sacrifice their career through demotion, or converting to part-time or completely quit their jobs. At the same time, as economic structure changes, men can't themselves guarantee they will have a job to support the family. Expecting women to sacrifice while providing no safety net or extra social assistance:

How to take care of a child when the finances to back the process up is not strong? How can women afford not to take care of their career which will give them a source of independent income from men?

Your expectations are too high:
Some of these men annoyed me. They accused me of having high expectation before even finding out what my expectations are. At first, they caught me offhand. I thought my expectations were really out of this world. But later, as I spoke to more married women, I found that my expectations were very typical, sometimes even lower than them. This is when I found that this assumption is wrong!

What's in my typical list of criteria:
No smoking
No drinking (social drinking is fine)
At least diploma education
Is employed
Hardworking
Able to talk in a matured manner
Taller than 1.65m
Not obese (a little overweight is ok)
Does not need to own a car
Caring
Loving
Respectful
Allow me to speak my mind
Chinese preferred

Many men already told me this list is typical. The criteria are not particular high. My conclusion is those men who said this list is too hard for them to achieve have probably been stagnant for a long time and these men are not worthy.

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