Don't ever find a girlfriend when you are too poor

Source: http://thecareercafe.co.uk/

Why are there guys in the world who think getting a wife is about getting a woman who is willing to have no food to eat and suffer with him?

Are you really thinking like a man? Are you a man?

Not long ago, I met a guy who was out of a coordinator job and was recently divorced and so he wanted to seek out a new girlfriend. But I was repulsed. If he couldn't take care of himself, how could he take care of this girlfriend or future wife? How could he take care of kids?

He spoke only Chinese and very little English and kept telling me he wasn't smart and couldn't learn new things. That's just plain bullshit. I was brought up in a Chinese-speaking family. My parents only read Chinese newspaper and Chinese books and watch Chinese programmes. I learned all my English language skills in school and during my free time. I was struggling very hard with English yet I still tried my best to learn. I didn't simply tell myself I was stupid and I couldn't learn. I knew English was important and I was blatantly determined to learn it, no matter how hard, no matter how many attempts I have to try. I didn't come up with any excuses. That man was just full of excuses. How could I find assurance from him that we could actually build a life together? At least, get your life together again before you go out seeking a new girlfriend? Don't find a girlfriend because you need to de-stress yourself as it is very unfair to the girl! Your intention is already wrong in the first place. You want to find a girlfriend because you want to set up a family. You are finding a girlfriend because you are stressed out from economic vicissitude.

It's better that I never contacted him again after that only meet-up.

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The only thing that women need to succeed in this world: it's not good education

First, let me define what success means to me, because success means different things to different women and with a proper definition, I can set the table straight.

To me, these are what I think being a successful woman means to to me:

1. Highly educated (at least a degree) or being accomplished in a vocation/professions/business
2. Have as many positive, sincere, and genuine lifetime friends
3. Have good family relationships.
4. Have a good marriage and raise good kids
5. Contribute actively to the improvement of certain disadvantaged communities
6. Being able to do what she's passionate about at all times

I really naively thought that being educated, being informed about the world was the most important thing and would allow me to achieve the rest of the five points. In my whole life, I have been pursuing more and more education so that I can understand the truth about how the world really works and stop being ignorant (my Junior College English teacher has used this word to comment a lot on my argumentative essays and it spurred me to read the newspapers and current affairs books voraciously, eventually I passed with A). But it is not this way in the real world, at least from what I have experienced.

On Friends...
I feel very fortunate to have a few steadfast friends who are always there to push me to higher grounds, always daring to become better, move out of my comfort zone, and to always be seeking new knowledge and skills and seeking out new experiences. However, many more are those who only care for themselves. This happens not only among friends, but my close relatives as well. These people expect you to help them when they need help but when you ask them for them another time, they will come up with many excuses why they can't do it.

On Family Relationships...
If I had known earlier how my mum thinks, maybe I would never have pushed myself so hard to learn. I have only one sibling, my younger sister who has only completed some basic vocational training. Thus, she could only work in jobs that offer lower salary. On the other hand, because I have a degree, I could work in jobs that offer higher salary. Because of this, my mother told me my sister did not have to give her allowance but I had to. I was very furious because I thought that we very unfair and we had a lot of arguments and fights that remained unresolved even now.

On Marriage...
I can't even talk about marriage. Because I only have some brains but with no looks, this is still out of reach for me. A friend of mine, who is a devoted Christian, shared with me that she has church friend who is a mum. She wrote down all the qualities she wanted to see in her future son-in-law and not long after, her daughter indeed met a guy who matched her description 100%! She told me to do the same and pray hard and have a strong faith. I did. Hopefully things will change.

On Social Involvement and Pursuing What I'm Passionate About...
Being a corporate slave, most of my time is sold to my employer and my bosses. There's very leeway to be active in community work and to do what I'm really passionate about (if you are curious what I'm passionate about, I really want to compose music, draw, coach, write my own apps, build robots, and do something to protect the environment and lift people out of poverty).

After looking at two cases, one from my cousin and one from my student's mum, I know this is not true any more.

She is a university-degree holder working in civil service and was advising me to enter the banking industry when there's currently a wave of retrenching sweeping across the industry right now. So what if she's naive and ignorant? With some beauty and good luck, she's in good marriage now. Read a bit more about my cousin's story here.

Read more about what I have to say about my student's mum here.

I think, the most important thing for women to be born with a beautiful face and beautiful figure (it doesn't matter she's an informed or ignorant person) so that she has the luck to find a good man to married to carry on life with ease.

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Passing the Facial Compatibility Test

As if the beauty test wasn't enough, I found myself dealing with men who seek compatible looks with their faces.

Maybe this is just another excuse...

Perhaps, this is another way to tell me not to bother them because I'm just not pretty enough for them. Or maybe, this is what Chinese called "couple looks". Sometimes, people want to seek out partners who look similar to them. They want their friends an relatives to say, "you both do look like a couple".

What to do? 

Try the next guy instead.

P.S. By the way, the guy that I mentioned in the picture above who actually agreed to meet me on that day but didn't inform me that he wasn't turning up was Muhammed Jabir (read my post about him ""you are not that pretty"").

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Beauty determines everything in dating

Source: http://shinyswan.com/

I never thought that beauty was the only thing that matters in dating and finding a life partner until I step out into the real world. My mother told me the key to good life is a good education. So, I really focused on that.

I felt a bit regretful for not learning about make up and dressing sexily when I was younger. But then, I really have very little interest in those things. When one doesn't have interest, why would she bother to find out?

I thought the best thing was to do was to have good skincare and that it didn't matter whether I had makeup on my face.

My 3 mantras about beauty:

Beauty is only skin deep.

Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.

Inner beauty is better than outer beauty.

All the while, I subscribed to those mantras in my life. I was of the belief if I always showed my true self, be myself, that guys would see I'm real and would take interest in me.

For years, I waited for a guy.

It was only after I went to dating agencies, talked to female friends, listened to unsolicited advice from relatives and from countless sharing of my photo with guys on Whatsapp that I finally became more self-conscious. I'm not ugly, but compared to many average-looking girls, I have below-average looks. Many guys were more interested in my weight and height and pestering me to send them my photos than asking me about my interests. It seemed many of them were only interested in my physical attributes than my other intangible attributes. Do they realise that 20 years later I will just be an old lady and beauty won't matter anymore from that time onwards?

However, the reality of dating is such.

So, I went to some course that teach about grooming and after some experimentation, I found some haircuts and makeup colours that suited me more than others. I hope this will help to increase my chance.

If you don't think you have an attractive appearance, start to read more fashion magazines, window-shop more, take care of your skin and groom yourself better. This is a practical world and beauty is more important than anything else. Even if you are 70 years old but you look half the age, some guys would still want you.

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This is THE ONLY WAY to ensure your dating and marriage is a SUCCESS (from legendary value investor Warren Buffet)

Source: Second Life Marketplace

Great people are great because they are not just good in their jobs. They have lots of wisdom in all areas of life. I was amazed at how simple and profoundly deep the idea that Warren Buffet gave about how to have a happy marriage.

Warren Buffet suggested having low expectations about your partner.

Fast forward the video to 36:10 and you will hear the following:
"
if you are going to get married
and you want a marriage that's going to last ....
not necessary the happiest marriage....
what quality do you look for in a spouse?
one quality
do you look for brains?
do you look for humour?
do you look for character?
do you look for beauty?
No.
You look for low expectations
That is the marriage that's going to last.
"

But I have already lowered my expectations so much. Yet, I still find no success... maybe God has arranged another life path for me... what to do...



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