Cheats Don't Say "Let's Break Up!"

Source: http://mumsru.club/wp-content/uploads/2016/05/Funny-Break-Up-Memes-14.jpg

I'm envious of my cousin. She was around 28 when she finally decided she wanted to find a boyfriend after so many years of saying she did not want to marry anyone. She did not have to date for long. Her eldest brother introduced one to her. That was it. They dated for 1 year and then got married another year. Now, into the third year of her marriage, she had her first child.

On the other hand, I've been searching for one since 7 years ago. I've dated many guys. On average, each of my relationships lasted for about 3 months. Many of these relationships are just temporary enjoyment for the guys which I only realised after not hearing from the guys for weeks.

I have been unlucky enough to meet guys who know how to act genuinely to win my heart when they only wanted to get to know me to temporarily mend some sadness during that period of their lives.

Some of them had breakups before getting to know me. There was one who got me as his girlfriend because his father is critically ill and he wanted to have some fun to dispel his stress. After 6 months of going out together (which averages only 2 meetups per month), his father died. He went back to his country to see his father for the last time before heading to Australia. Another one lied to me that he had broken up with his girlfriend but when he updated a photo of him and his other girlfriend in a social media account which I questioned he about, he disappeared. These are only a few out of so many dates I have had over the past 7 years.

I really wanted to settle down. I really don't know why my life is like that. I only want to find just ONE guy but god gave me so many fake ones.

What I don't really like about these people is they didn't say they wanted to break up when they decided they wanted to stop what they are doing. They just disappeared. They just stopped. They just stopped contacting me for weeks. Only when I questioned them that they told me they did not have the intention to going out with me anymore. I was always so upset because I was always in the dark of dark intentions of these guys.

Some were even smarter. They like to use this trick called "delaying". They promised to travel together, say Malaysia or the Batam Islands. But when I asked about, they would keep saying soon. So 1 week became a month. And then a month became a few months. And I would then know that it was going to happen. They were just trying to make me think they were genuine but they were not. So, I would then learn my lessons and delete their contacts from my phone and I swore to god I wouldn't want to meet them anymore in my life.

So, that's what I learn: Cheats Don't Say "Let's Break Up". They just disappear suddenly out of my life, just as they suddenly appear in my life.

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Breaking Up A Relationship Can Be A Happy Event To Celebrate

If a relationship is toxic, why cling on to it?

In my previous post, "Dating Advice For A Friend", you know about a friend I have, known as KL.

After thinking through his relationship and a numerology reading, he has finally decided to break up. I feel happy for him. I'm not sadistic but I think the relationship does not meet his objective.

His girlfriend wants an interesting person but KL is a down-to-earth person (to the point of being too boring ;-)).

She expects 100% devotion, to the point of sacrificing KL's time for his parents, friends, work and leisure. There's no right and wrong, because sometimes, people do go into relationships that all people around them object to. But I can tell KL is not ready to sacrifice all this friends and family members yet.

She expects 100% obedience. If she wants my friend KL to arrive by a certain time, and if he did not arrive by the exact, she will be gone.

She expects him to take the blame for anything that goes bad during a date, even though it doesn't stem from KL fault. For example, once they boarded a public bus that smelled and she became angry with KL and blamed him.

She's paranoid. By accident, she discovered KL's Instagram account which my friend had not used for a long time since he's broken down with his ex-girlfriend. It was an account that he set up with when he was still with his ex-girlfriend and he forgot about deleting it when the relationship ended. His current girlfriend was mad assuming that he had tried to hide this past relationship from her and also possibly assuming he was still keeping in touch with his ex. A fierce argument resulted.

As social animals, each one of us has different roles to play, depending on the context. We are a friend when we are in our social groups. We are a child, a sibling or a cousin when we are with our families. We are colleagues when we are in our work environment. We are a sports lover when we indulge in our favourite sports. We are not hermits. If KL takes up this relationship, life is going to turn upside down.

Every one has a past. A healthy relationship should be one where each party accepts each other's past. The focus should not be on the past, but the present and the future. This does not mean we cannot ask or should not share anything about our past relationships. We can and we should to understand each other better, but it should be done with maturity and without judgement.

A Tip For Breaking Up A Relationship

I'm happy that my friend KL has decided to break up this relationship with his incompatible girlfriend but he's not doing it the right way.

He has met up with her and told her in a tactful way that the relationship is over. But he's still responding to his now ex-girlfriend messages. His ex-girlfriend now thinks he still cares for her and is thinking of getting him back into a relationship with her.

What do you think my friend should do?

I would think he should stay away from any form of communication for a few months with her until the emotions has fully died down.

Objective For Building and Having A Relationship

I don't object to any girl that my friend wants to be with. If he just wants to have a girlfriend for the simple reason of having a companion for fun, I think the girl is good enough. Anyway, she's keeping every day of his life busy by asking him to do this and that, conforming to her in every way and quarrelling with him on almost everything.

But I understand that my friend's objective is a potential marriage at the end of the courtship. Therefore, I don't think this girl is suitable for him. That's why I'm happy for him when he has finally thought things through and broken up with her (although he's not doing it the right way).

Should You Continue To Keep In Touch With Your Ex?

I don't. But I know some people do so. I guess there is no right or wrong way. It all depends on both parties. If the relationship can truly transform from romantic to platonic, why not? After all, you can continue to keep a friend instead of losing it all.

However, if your ex is married now, you have to consider his or her spouse. Some spouses are sensitive to ex-relationships. If you continue to stay in touch with your ex, misunderstanding may occur. Extra-marital affairs may be accused on you.

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