Beauty determines everything in dating

Source: http://shinyswan.com/

I never thought that beauty was the only thing that matters in dating and finding a life partner until I step out into the real world. My mother told me the key to good life is a good education. So, I really focused on that.

I felt a bit regretful for not learning about make up and dressing sexily when I was younger. But then, I really have very little interest in those things. When one doesn't have interest, why would she bother to find out?

I thought the best thing was to do was to have good skincare and that it didn't matter whether I had makeup on my face.

My 3 mantras about beauty:

Beauty is only skin deep.

Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.

Inner beauty is better than outer beauty.

All the while, I subscribed to those mantras in my life. I was of the belief if I always showed my true self, be myself, that guys would see I'm real and would take interest in me.

For years, I waited for a guy.

It was only after I went to dating agencies, talked to female friends, listened to unsolicited advice from relatives and from countless sharing of my photo with guys on Whatsapp that I finally became more self-conscious. I'm not ugly, but compared to many average-looking girls, I have below-average looks. Many guys were more interested in my weight and height and pestering me to send them my photos than asking me about my interests. It seemed many of them were only interested in my physical attributes than my other intangible attributes. Do they realise that 20 years later I will just be an old lady and beauty won't matter anymore from that time onwards?

However, the reality of dating is such.

So, I went to some course that teach about grooming and after some experimentation, I found some haircuts and makeup colours that suited me more than others. I hope this will help to increase my chance.

If you don't think you have an attractive appearance, start to read more fashion magazines, window-shop more, take care of your skin and groom yourself better. This is a practical world and beauty is more important than anything else. Even if you are 70 years old but you look half the age, some guys would still want you.

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"Ok fuck off"

If you have been following my blog, you will know that I have recently been cheated by a Bangladeshi. He was a nice man apparently, with a mild character and he's actually quite highly educated. He was a university dropout because his mother died and he was much affected. Shortly after that, his brother introduced him to come to Singapore 9 years ago in 2007 and he's been working ever since. In the first 3 months, he was always messaging me and calling me and wanting to meet me. However, suddenly, he no longer called or texted. He even said I was the one supposed to arrange all the dates. He made me wait at the train stations for me and only informed me that he would not meet me up at the agreed time to meet. After many incidents like these, I knew I have been cheated.

I am no interested in Indians and Bangladeshis and generally people with dark skin anymore. I had two disappointments in a row and I didn't think I could take in more. Before this Bangladeshi boyfriend, I had a local Singaporeans Indian boyfriend who thought that it was okay to promise to meet and then cancel the date at the last minute without informing the other party. I cannot take this kind of behaviour as an appropriate way to treat another person.

So, recently you should know that I posted a Locanto ad, announcing to the world I'm looking for a new boyfriend. A lot of guys responded, including many Indians from Singapore, Malaysia and India. 

This guy that I've screenshot above is an Indian from Singapore who currently lives in Malaysia due to his work. I'm really very upset from my past two dating experiences with Indians that I do not really want anymore Indian men in my life. So I just told him I'm not interested and even apologised to him.

I never expected that he would use vulgar language on me.

You Fuck Off Too!

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Fake Guys Who Keep You Hanging On

www.pinterest.com

That quote above is very close to my heart.

I don't know the mindset of these guys.

Either they are genuine and do not want to be direct to the girls because they are afraid of hurting the girls' heart or they are out for an ulterior motive which may be to kill their time or to have a more exciting affairs on top of their existing relationship with another woman.

I ended another relationship.

The same type of relationship as I had for the past 7 years.

I've been trying to avoid and every year I use more criteria to screen out the fake guys from the genuine ones but I keep getting the fake ones.

Their modus operandi is very similar:

First, they will be very sweet to win my heart. They will say they are the last man I ever will need. We will chat on Facebook Messenger/Whatsapp/WeChat. We would chat very happily. He would make me feel that I have finally found the right man.

Next, they will arrange for a date. Two things can happen, depending on the type of guy. One scenario is that the guy will arrange for a date. He will also confirm the date one day before the actual date, assuring me that they are genuine. However, on the actual date and time, I will usually need to call them and ask them where they are and usually I will get answers like "I have a meeting and cannot meet you" or "I am not feeling well and have a headache". I will say okay usually to give them the benefit of doubt. They will usually tell me that we will meet next time soon. However, one or two weeks will pass or even one or two months will pass and I don't hear from them anymore.

Another type is smarter. They will usually behave like a normal boyfriend in the beginning few months. They will proactively ask me out for dates or for walks in parks. But after a few months, they suddenly change. They will suddenly stop contacting me. I will usually call them after about 2 weeks and they will tell me they are busy with work. I will wait for 1 month to give them a call again. They will say they are still busy. Two months later, three months later, six months later they will still say the same thing. Even if I manage to set up a date on a particular day and time and place, at the agreed time, they will always fail to turn up and even refuse to take phone calls. I have been left waiting for nothing for many times.

Moreover, when they finally pick up the phone, I will usually vent my anger at what they are doing and I get a lash back from them, saying I'm too fussy or that they have mis-communicated and I have heard wrongly and one even said I'm sick to scream at him over the phone. He was the one who told me that he was free any time on a particular day so I thought I could finally meet him that day. But at the stipulated time, he did not come as I suspected. I called him for half an hour before he sent me an SMS to inform me that he had gone to the mosque for prayer and could not meet me. I scolded him over the SMS and continued to call. He scolded me back and said he didn't like people who talk too much. This made me even more angry because he was wrong in the first place and didn't apologise and still criticise me for scolding him. He blocked me from calling him for a few days. This was the guy I finally ended communication with a few days ago.

I am willing to give guys a fair chance, just as I have given myself a fair chance to meet legitimate guys. The most frustrating thing is to have guys criticise me for being so cautious when I have my rights to protect myself from harm.

I cannot advise guys not to behave this way because there are always some black sheep, just that I don't know why I get the black sheep all the time. The best advice from me would be to women to become smarter and screen out those who want to get to know you for their bad intention or to stop the relationship as soon as you can if you suspect you are already in such a relationship.

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