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The Myths:
Myth 1: Women have unrealistic high expectations about men
When I tell a man that dating is difficult, the first reaction that I get from countless chats with men is that my expectation must be too high on men. They haven't even first found out what my expectations are in the first place and evaluated them to see if they are really that high. So women, if you are rejected by a man, it may not be your fault. I know my expectations are not high. They are fairly typical, because I have shared my expectations with some friends and strangers and they told me my list is quite normal. Maybe it is not you who have high expectations. Maybe your expectations are very typical of many women, just that the men you meet are either below average and feel inferior and not confident about themselves, or those who have out-of-this-world expectations about women. If this is the case, you should be happy about getting rejected because these guys would not be able to give you the happiness you seek anyway. Getting rejected by unqualified men also prevents you from wasting time on them and you can use your most valuable time to seek men who are truly what you really want to seek.
Myth 2: You are too busy
I really don't understand why men must assume it is the women who are the busy ones. They should really start to examine if they are actually the busy ones. I chatted with some guys who are always flying in and out of the country and told them straight that if they did not have the time to build a relationship I would not be interested in them.
Myth 3: Just be yourself
Many men said, "just be yourself" or "I want to see the real you". That is a lie. I'm by nature a very mathematical and technical person, unlike most women. I studied computer engineering. Engineering itself is already a very male-dominated discipline and what's more, a computer engineering course is even more male-dominated because many girls tell me they cannot handle mathematics. I like robotics. I do not like handbags, shoes, lipsticks, blushes, mascara and so on. I do not like to gossip, a woman's favourite past time. I'm not a 三姑六婆 (female gossiper) by nature. Furthermore, because of family issues, I have learned to be independent. But most men don't like. They prefer the stereotypical woman instead. So, sometimes, I do have to pretend I'm a weak woman when I'm on a date. I have to become what they want a woman to be instead of seeing my real self.
The Truths:
Truth 1: The importance of beauty
Many people (guys especially) tell me that beauty is not a factor in seeking a date or a partner and that beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder. Surprisingly, when women gave me advice, they always told me to be more pretty. Wisdom to be learned here: don't ever trust what guys say. Guys are more ruled by sexual desire than by their brains or heart.
No matter what, women got to be beautiful. Regardless of what your nationality is, what your education level is, whether you are divorced before or have always been single, or whether you have high or low expectations for men, being beautiful will lend you opportunities for more dates and hence, better chance of being in a long-term relationship. See my previous post "
You are not that pretty". You will then understand even the guys themselves are not good-looking, they still have the unrealistic expectation that their girlfriends must be a beauty in order to match up to them.
Truth 2: There are a lot more insincere guys than the sincere ones.
Ever since I posted an ad in locanto looking for a boyfriend to settle down, over 200 guys have contacted me. Most are insincere. Some look for sex while others are looking for friends or friends with benefits. A bunch of crazy people! I have already written down in detail for guys to contact me only if they are looking for settle down. It looks like these guys don't bother to read and of course, for guys who don't even bother to read, these are definitely disqualified because if they are not serious and sincere enough to read in detail, how much do you think they will care about you?
In this list of over 200 guys, I have only managed to talk enough to fewer than 20 men and out of these 20 men, I have only met 4 and are currently monitoring which one will be the one that lasts.
So if you are there looking for someone on your own, you might need to prepare to slough it out. Not many women are as lucky as my cousin who never need to go to any matchmaking session. She only had one boyfriend in her life and that man became her husband and she didn't even have to look for him as it was found and introduced by her eldest brother. So be prepared mentally to meet a lot of unreasonable and insincere guys who may break your heart. Well, low-hanging fruits are easier to get but have lower quality. If you want to meet someone with better calibre, you might have to wait a while.
Truth 3: There are fewer and fewer "clean" guys out there.
My definition of clean refers to guys who have never been married and about the same age as you. I'm in my early 30s but there were quite a number of guys over 50 years and guys in their early 20s who contacted me. I'm not someone who mind a guy who is much younger but he must be mature. Unfortunately, most guys in their 20s are not. I have been through the ups and downs of life and so most of the times, I feel I'm talking to a boy instead of a man with someone who is in their 20s. There are also many who are divorced, some have no kids while others have.
So, ignore those who say there are still many guys out there. Yes, there are many but many have been through the failure of marriage. It is still possible to develop a relationship with these kinds of guys but you have to deal with their baggage of a past unhappy marriage and possible even children from their previous marriage.
To really have a relationship with a guy who has never been married, and who is around the same age as you, this number is decreasing as you grow older.
So hurry up!!!
Truth 4: There is still a thing call male domination.
I rejected so many guys who still want obedient women who will cater to their every need and want. They told me they want a woman who obeys them and always agrees with them. Some always say they have high sex drive and are finding a woman who can have sex with them every day and have many children with them. Knock, knock! This is the 21st century and women are no longer stupid. They have their own opinions too. So don't treat them like a child-bearing machine (that is, a pig) only. Have you men forgotten about what is love and respect?
If you, like me, who prefers a more-equal power distribution, then be prepared for many disappointments.
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