Everyone's Guide to Online Dating
How to find love and friendship on the internet
by Shimrit Elisar
This book was written in 2007 when the Internet was becoming increasingly prevalent. But it is still relevant now if you have never used internet for dating. It is written from the perspective of the UK dating scene but most information are general enough to apply to any country. The author has lots of experience in the online dating scene as she has been an adminstrator for online dating sites for many years.
We have heard of online dating or internet dating. But what is it? This book tells you all the nuts and bolts of online dating.
Starting with the definition of online dating, which is the process of meeting and socialising with people on the Internet, it then states which types of people should choose online dating.
Does it mean you are desperate if you try online dating? Is it dangerous? Is it full of freaks and scammers? I will touch on scammers in my next book because I almost fell their tricks. I am still constantly attracting scammers into my life through facebook till today.
Like many other dating books, it touches on fundamentals, such as your goals (is it for long term relationship, marriage, casual dating or friendship), who you are really, and the characterisitics of the person you want to meet, and also the deal breakers that you will surely not tolerate, such as your potential date being a smoker or workaholic. But the reason why the author touched on these topics was so that you can create an accurate online profile to increase the chance of yourself meeting the right guy.
Shimrit also touched on different types of dating sites, like paid vs free, general vs niche, and how to avoid scammers. I will touch on this topic in detail in my next book , so watch out for it, by subscribing to my blog or newsletter.
Being an authoritative guide on online dating, the book delves deeply into how to create an outstanding online profile to maximise your chance of meeting the right person, how to choose a good username, how to write a good tagline, what kind of profile picture you should prepare, and what you should include in your profile write up. It suggests that you include a detailed description of yourself, physical and non-physical, such as your likes and dislikes, hobbies and interests, hopes, dreams, past achievements, any exciting places you have visited, what are the future places you would like to visit, your favourite food what would you bring to the relationship, and what you are looking for in a partner, your sense of humour, music/film/tv shows and what you do for a living. As you can see, these are very relevant questions. But without this list provided by the author, you might miss out on a lot of points when you set about doing your online profile.
Shimrit also highlighted the importance of tone in your written profile. It should be light hearted yet not frivolous. It would be even better if you include any other interesting things about you, maybe you have a tattoo or maybe you have six ear peircings. You might not know but someone may be attracted to you by these unique qualities.
There's a part which I like very much, which is the part about long-distance relationship and being discerning when reading online profiles. Why? Because I have experienced them all. In internet dating, you meet people from all over the world, or in this globalised world, you may meet someone in your local area who then has to relocate due to work transfer. One of you is going to have to sacrifice your career and move to another country so you have to think about this very carefully. If you don't even want to consider any such possibility, specify this in your search criteria or write it in your profile clearly.
I also like it when Shimrit highlights to us readers to watch out for people who say they are looking our for "discreet, no strings attached" one night stand or have extreme comments about the other sex, or have profiles with model-like pictures who look too good to be true (more about this in my next book on online scammers), or are only looking for sex partners. If I had known before, I wouldn't have fallen into so many of these traps. And I bring it up here because I don't want you to make the same mistakes as I did.
The online space is great for meeting many people, and it is great for busy individuals like me and you. But because you can see the other party personally, it pays to practise caution. Keep all communications online until you have established that the person is truly a real and genuine person. Take Shimrit's advice to save emails and log all chats so that you can report to the administrator if a profile is problematic. Profiles that are too good to be true, such as a handsome guy who is a director of a business or a high-flying engineer who has recently divorced or whose wife died in tragic accident, there's no chance this can be real. I guarantee. Otherwise, submit the story you have through the "Submit Your Story" tab on this blog and share with me and the audience of this blog about your story). Beware of people who ask a lot of personal information, even your sex preferences even when they first contact you, are likely not looking for long-term relationship. There are also people who want to direct you offsite as quickly as possible and ask for your personal number. They will give you all sorts of reasons that sound reasonable. But my advice is to never reveal at the beginning. Never share your bank account or where you live in detail, and identity number at the beginning of contact. It most likely is a scam. More on this in my upcoming book (you might want to bookmark my blog first, or subscribe to this blog or my newsletter and get, as a bonus, my book on dating nightmares so that you will be notified when I release my next book on scammers).
I'm also happy that Shimrit touched about bullies in this book, although she only tells us how to identify them. For example, she tells us to watch out for some signs: constantly forcing you to do what he wants, even when you don't want to do it, or declaring his love very early in the relationship and expects you to do the same, or is often angry, clingy and doesn't respect your space. In my first book review for "If Love Could Think" written by Alon Gratch, he goes deeper than that. He talks about being in the love pattern of bullies and wimps. If you are in the love pattern of always being the victim of bullies, be sure to read "If Love Could Think", so that you know what your root problem is and what causes it. Only then you will be ready to start a healthy relationship.
Once you have identified someone potential, you can start to arrange the first date. Shimrit provides some tips for first dates like where to go and what to do. She also deals with the sensitive question of who should pay for the meal. The author suggests to always go Dutch, but if the man insists on footing the bill, let him because men always feels it's the one who should be generous and taking care of women.
What happens if you don't get any response when you contact someone online? What happens if nothing positive come out from the first date? It's ok when people don't reply or respond further. No need to pester them. No need to force someone to like you. It was hard for me to take it when that happened. But I would always talk myself out because love takes two hands to clap. If a guy is not interested, coercion doesn't help.
I also like the fact that Shimrit introduced other types of online platforms to meet more people, such as using chatroom, online personals, social networking sites (the author wrote about Friendster, so you can see how dated this book is. I was from the Friendster era too, but you can use the principles she highlighted), online community, blogs, forums, and online games (most games are social in nature). So you can see that the online world offers so much more opportunities to meet new guys.
I would recommend this book for busy individuals because it makes the best use of your time!
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| Shimrit Elisar |
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