Ugly women: Sorry, you are out of the game arena

Source: www.akairan.com

As a child, when I watched Cinderella, everything is straightforward. Cinderella had endured a lot of hardship. She lost her parents at a young age and was tortured by her stepmother to work long hours everyday. She had to wake up before everyone else and had only to sleep when others had long gone to bed. However, she had a heart made of gold. She was refined, cultured, and full of kindness. Therefore, it was only right that the Prince chose her and she deserved everlasting happiness.

But as I grew up, I thought about more aspects. (That's a problem of being an adult. Sometimes, we may be thinking too much about unnecessary things that do not exist at all.)

Could Anastasia and Drizella, the stepsisters of Cinderella, have lost out because they were not as beautiful as Cinderella?

Many would argue that that is not the case. This is because the stepsisters are evil. They have a wicked heart and are self-centred. So, they don't deserve to have the love of the Prince.

But what if the stepsisters have a good heart but are ugly? What if they are better in character than Cinderella but not as pretty as Cinderella? Would the prince choose the stepsisters over Cinderella? Maybe.

Could the Prince have chosen Cinderella if she was not that pretty? 

If Cinderella was average-looking, could the Prince still have spotted her and danced with her? Maybe not. This is because the Prince couldn't have known Cinderella's character just from her looks.

Although I really don't like all those "constructive criticism" (people have told me to keep long hair, wear contact lenses instead of glasses, eat more to gain more weight, put on thicker makeup, wear more brightly coloured clothes, straighten my teeth, saw my jaws, have breast enhancement, pull my legs so that I can gain height, go for plastic surgery to have double eyelids so that my eyes appear bigger), but they are all true. In the beginning, I was quite stubborn. I chose not to listen. But then reality informs me that it's true. When I chatted with men, the first thing they want to know is my height and weight and age and full-body photo. Usually, after I sent my photo, that would be the end of the line. I never hear anything from them anymore. So I understood how cruel the dating world can be.

I have already tried my best to do whatever I can with the resources that I have. But still, for those feedback that suggested me to undergo surgery, I simply can't do it. How can I risk my body for men who don't even care about who I really am?

So, bottom line: single women, take care of your appearance. It helps.


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Beauty determines everything in dating

Source: http://shinyswan.com/

I never thought that beauty was the only thing that matters in dating and finding a life partner until I step out into the real world. My mother told me the key to good life is a good education. So, I really focused on that.

I felt a bit regretful for not learning about make up and dressing sexily when I was younger. But then, I really have very little interest in those things. When one doesn't have interest, why would she bother to find out?

I thought the best thing was to do was to have good skincare and that it didn't matter whether I had makeup on my face.

My 3 mantras about beauty:

Beauty is only skin deep.

Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.

Inner beauty is better than outer beauty.

All the while, I subscribed to those mantras in my life. I was of the belief if I always showed my true self, be myself, that guys would see I'm real and would take interest in me.

For years, I waited for a guy.

It was only after I went to dating agencies, talked to female friends, listened to unsolicited advice from relatives and from countless sharing of my photo with guys on Whatsapp that I finally became more self-conscious. I'm not ugly, but compared to many average-looking girls, I have below-average looks. Many guys were more interested in my weight and height and pestering me to send them my photos than asking me about my interests. It seemed many of them were only interested in my physical attributes than my other intangible attributes. Do they realise that 20 years later I will just be an old lady and beauty won't matter anymore from that time onwards?

However, the reality of dating is such.

So, I went to some course that teach about grooming and after some experimentation, I found some haircuts and makeup colours that suited me more than others. I hope this will help to increase my chance.

If you don't think you have an attractive appearance, start to read more fashion magazines, window-shop more, take care of your skin and groom yourself better. This is a practical world and beauty is more important than anything else. Even if you are 70 years old but you look half the age, some guys would still want you.

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Dating Nightmares: Merry Christmas 2016 to all Single Women! May you find love during this lovely season!

Dear All,

Thanks for your support for this blog throughout this year. I still have a lot to learn about how to write better blog posts and be a better blogger. If you have any feedback, I would love to hear from you. Just fill up the feedback form found on the side of this blog or just leave a comment below to let me know what you think.

The purpose of this blog is to share my dating experience so that women who are still single and still looking out for that special man in their lives would benefit from my dating ideas here, read about my dating failures and try to avoid them as much as possible. So, the major audience this blog is for is for you single women out there still looking for love.

For men, maybe you will find this blog as an entertainment. But perhaps, you can learn from here some of your practices that irks women out there. If you seriously want to find a life partner, make sure you read this blog.

I hope I will find that special person in my life soon and I sincerely, from the bottom of my heart, wish that you, the single woman out there, too, will find the same.

A Happy Merry Christmas 2016!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

With Love,
Sharon
Your Dating Blogger & Advisor

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The myths and truths of dating for women

Source: Pexel Stock Images

The Myths:

Myth 1: Women have unrealistic high expectations about men

When I tell a man that dating is difficult, the first reaction that I get from countless chats with men is that my expectation must be too high on men. They haven't even first found out what my expectations are in the first place and evaluated them to see if they are really that high. So women, if you are rejected by a man, it may not be your fault. I know my expectations are not high. They are fairly typical, because I have shared my expectations with some friends and strangers and they told me my list is quite normal. Maybe it is not you who have high expectations. Maybe your expectations are very typical of many women, just that the men you meet are either below average and feel inferior and not confident about themselves, or those who have out-of-this-world expectations about women. If this is the case, you should be happy about getting rejected because these guys would not be able to give you the happiness you seek anyway. Getting rejected by unqualified men also prevents you from wasting time on them and you can use your most valuable time to seek men who are truly what you really want to seek.

Myth 2: You are too busy

I really don't understand why men must assume it is the women who are the busy ones. They should really start to examine if they are actually the busy ones. I chatted with some guys who are always flying in and out of the country and told them straight that if they did not have the time to build a relationship I would not be interested in them.

Myth 3: Just be yourself

Many men said, "just be yourself" or "I want to see the real you". That is a lie. I'm by nature a very mathematical and technical person, unlike most women. I studied computer engineering. Engineering itself is already a very male-dominated discipline and what's more, a computer engineering course is even more male-dominated because many girls tell me they cannot handle mathematics. I like robotics. I do not like handbags, shoes, lipsticks, blushes, mascara and so on. I do not like to gossip, a woman's favourite past time. I'm not a 三姑六婆 (female gossiper) by nature. Furthermore, because of family issues, I have learned to be independent. But most men don't like. They prefer the stereotypical woman instead. So, sometimes, I do have to pretend I'm a weak woman when I'm on a date. I have to become what they want a woman to be instead of seeing my real self.

The Truths:

Truth 1: The importance of beauty

Many people (guys especially) tell me that beauty is not a factor in seeking a date or a partner and that beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder. Surprisingly, when women gave me advice, they always told me to be more pretty. Wisdom to be learned here: don't ever trust what guys say. Guys are more ruled by sexual desire than by their brains or heart.

No matter what, women got to be beautiful. Regardless of what your nationality is, what your education level is, whether you are divorced before or have always been single, or whether you have high or low expectations for men, being beautiful will lend you opportunities for more dates and hence, better chance of being in a long-term relationship. See my previous post "You are not that pretty". You will then understand even the guys themselves are not good-looking, they still have the unrealistic expectation that their girlfriends must be a beauty in order to match up to them.

Truth 2: There are a lot more insincere guys than the sincere ones.

Ever since I posted an ad in locanto looking for a boyfriend to settle down, over 200 guys have contacted me. Most are insincere. Some look for sex while others are looking for friends or friends with benefits. A bunch of crazy people! I have already written down in detail for guys to contact me only if they are looking for settle down. It looks like these guys don't bother to read and of course, for guys who don't even bother to read, these are definitely disqualified because if they are not serious and sincere enough to read in detail, how much do you think they will care about you?

In this list of over 200 guys, I have only managed to talk enough to fewer than 20 men and out of these 20 men, I have only met 4 and are currently monitoring which one will be the one that lasts.

So if you are there looking for someone on your own, you might need to prepare to slough it out. Not many women are as lucky as my cousin who never need to go to any matchmaking session. She only had one boyfriend in her life and that man became her husband and she didn't even have to look for him as it was found and introduced by her eldest brother. So be prepared mentally to meet a lot of unreasonable and insincere guys who may break your heart. Well, low-hanging fruits are easier to get but have lower quality. If you want to meet someone with better calibre, you might have to wait a while.

Truth 3: There are fewer and fewer "clean" guys out there.

My definition of clean refers to guys who have never been married and about the same age as you. I'm in my early 30s but there were quite a number of guys over 50 years and guys in their early 20s who contacted me. I'm not someone who mind a guy who is much younger but he must be mature. Unfortunately, most guys in their 20s are not. I have been through the ups and downs of life and so most of the times, I feel I'm talking to a boy instead of a man with someone who is in their 20s. There are also many who are divorced, some have no kids while others have.

So, ignore those who say there are still many guys out there. Yes, there are many but many have been through the failure of marriage. It is still possible to develop a relationship with these kinds of guys but you have to deal with their baggage of a past unhappy marriage and possible even children from their previous marriage.

To really have a relationship with a guy who has never been married, and who is around the same age as you, this number is decreasing as you grow older.

So hurry up!!!

Truth 4: There is still a thing call male domination.

I rejected so many guys who still want obedient women who will cater to their every need and want. They told me they want a woman who obeys them and always agrees with them. Some always say they have high sex drive and are finding a woman who can have sex with them every day and have many children with them. Knock, knock! This is the 21st century and women are no longer stupid. They have their own opinions too. So don't treat them like a child-bearing machine (that is, a pig) only. Have you men forgotten about what is love and respect?

If you, like me, who prefers a more-equal power distribution, then be prepared for many disappointments.


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Childish men and Cowardly men

Source: Pinterest

Using the two adjectives "childish" and "cowardly" may make you think I'm too harsh and too critical about men. Maybe they just want to let things go quietly.

I perfectly understand.

However, that doesn't mean it's a elegant way of handling things, at least to me.

As an adult, if you want to let me know you are no longer interested in seeing me, can't you men just give me a call or text me a simple message to say something like, "Sorry, I want to let you know that I think we are not suitable, so I won't be arranging to see you again." Can't you be more explicit?

Instead, most guys just kept quiet, leaving me to ask them whether they were not interested or were too busy to keep in touch.

Why do men no longer have guts these days?

Why must they let a woman like me to ask them whether they are still interested or not? Are they trying to save their own faces or do they think this will hurt me less?

Instead, this hurts me even more because I have no idea that you are no longer interested and still cling on to the idea that you are still interested in building a relationship.

Maybe this is one of the reason for the high divorce rates nowadays. It's so tired for women to take charge of everything while men just needed to escape to somewhere quietly without saying a word.

So be it. I'm more interested in mature men who will stand by me when difficult times arise. Childish and cowardice men will not be suitable men to take care of me for the rest of my life anyway.

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"You are not that pretty."

Sorry I was angry I deleted the whatsapp message. I would really like to show you the real message that guy sent.

I know I'm not pretty. That's why I always tell the guy if you are looking for a beauty, do not consider me.

I don't care so much if I'm not a pretty girl if the guy who tells me so is a handsome guy. (My definition of handsome is someone who has the looks of Leslie Cheung, Tom Cruise, Brad Pitt, or Orlando Bloom).

Leslie Cheung. Source: JPopAsia

Tom Cruise. Source: Sizzling Superstars

Brad Pitt. Source: www.celebritybeliefs.com

Orlando Bloom. Source: http://lotr.wikia.com

But that guy isn't even handsome for a start. The name of this guy is Muhammad Jabir.

Muhammad Jabir, do you really think you are so handsome that you can demand pretty girls to be your girlfriend? Good luck finding her.

Muhammad Jabir, you arranged a date with me and confirmed with me and you cancelled at the last minute after I sent my photo to you without informing me you had a change of mind. Good luck to you, Jabir.

This is how society works. There's no love anymore.

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This is THE ONLY WAY to ensure your dating and marriage is a SUCCESS (from legendary value investor Warren Buffet)

Source: Second Life Marketplace

Great people are great because they are not just good in their jobs. They have lots of wisdom in all areas of life. I was amazed at how simple and profoundly deep the idea that Warren Buffet gave about how to have a happy marriage.

Warren Buffet suggested having low expectations about your partner.

Fast forward the video to 36:10 and you will hear the following:
"
if you are going to get married
and you want a marriage that's going to last ....
not necessary the happiest marriage....
what quality do you look for in a spouse?
one quality
do you look for brains?
do you look for humour?
do you look for character?
do you look for beauty?
No.
You look for low expectations
That is the marriage that's going to last.
"

But I have already lowered my expectations so much. Yet, I still find no success... maybe God has arranged another life path for me... what to do...



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One of the common excuses girls should take note that tells you the guy is not interested in you

Source: Pinterest

A few months before, I met an Indian expatriate working in Singapore as an IT manager. We met 2 times before he said we didn't match each other. I'm totally fine with that but I wasn't happy with the way he handled this.

First, he said he was busy (as if he was free before knowing me). After we met, he said he was loaded with new projects, so many that he couldn't even get enough sleep himself. So he said he wasn't ready for a relationship.

Second, he didn't reveal he wasn't interested in me anymore until I forced him confess. I wondered why he couldn't tell me straight and made me guess his real intentions. For an entire week after meeting for the second time, I was the one who message him "Morning" every day. His reply was short, mainly greeting me back and asking how my day was. That's it. I became suspicious because he usually talked a lot. So by the end of the week, I confronted him and asked whether he was really interested in me. He finally confessed and it was a 'no'. I asked him why he didn't tell me straight because when I met him for the first time, I told him that if at anytime he was not interested, he had to say so immediately so as not to waste my time. He said he was waiting for the right time to tell me. I told him to get lost because he was wasting my time and making him hang on to him in a silly way.

After this Indian expatriate, recently I met a Chinese guy who also did the same thing. At first, he talked a lot then after that read my message but didn't bother to reply to me or replied very slowly (something like after a day or two). He also told me he was "bz as usual" and "nothing change" (quoting from his text messages directly). More about this in future posts. He hasn't told me straight yet that he's not interested. I am hoping he will tell me straight because he told me he was a straightforward guy.

I'm hating all these men who cannot behave like gentlemen and be more forthcoming and have to let the girls guess their intentions. Are they real men or not?

So busyness and not replying to you are the two biggest tell-tale signs he's letting go.

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Society should stop blaming women for low marriage rates and low fertility rates

Source: truthitself.com

This is a list of reasons that society blames the women for:

You are too busy to get married:
This is one of the accusation targeted at me, and perhaps at many other single women. At first, I thought it was so. I work from Monday to Friday in a professional day job and my weekends are packed full from morning to night with tutoring classes. Sometimes, on some nights of the weekdays, I have to give tuition as well, especially when it was near to the examination period. There is very little time for socialisation. But I can't help it because my family and myself need the money to survive. However, at a later time, I found that there is ABSOLUTELY NO TRUTH in this at all.

Some guys are even more busy. For example, I met an options trader before. On some days, he could be working 24 hours straight from his home (he's a self-employed). I have very little chance of meeting him. There's an IT manager working in a MNC who had multiple projects on hand and he couldn't even get himself enough sleep each day, let alone having the time for dating. There was a physical goods trader who work in a local Singapore trading company. He buys and sells spare car parts and entire cars and also commodities like coffee and tea. He has to fly around all over the world regularly and he has very little time for his friends and family, and of course, to set aside time for a girlfriend.

So, society should stop blaming women for procrastinating dating and marriage.

You are too career-minded:
Discrimination is very real and there's no financial security from men. Many employers are still treating employees as robot instead of humans. It is natural for people to get married and have children. Yet, pregnancy is not celebrated and is regarded as a nuisance for companies. They have lost sight that these babies may become future employees and consumers for their companies. So many women lose their jobs or have to sacrifice their career through demotion, or converting to part-time or completely quit their jobs. At the same time, as economic structure changes, men can't themselves guarantee they will have a job to support the family. Expecting women to sacrifice while providing no safety net or extra social assistance:

How to take care of a child when the finances to back the process up is not strong? How can women afford not to take care of their career which will give them a source of independent income from men?

Your expectations are too high:
Some of these men annoyed me. They accused me of having high expectation before even finding out what my expectations are. At first, they caught me offhand. I thought my expectations were really out of this world. But later, as I spoke to more married women, I found that my expectations were very typical, sometimes even lower than them. This is when I found that this assumption is wrong!

What's in my typical list of criteria:
No smoking
No drinking (social drinking is fine)
At least diploma education
Is employed
Hardworking
Able to talk in a matured manner
Taller than 1.65m
Not obese (a little overweight is ok)
Does not need to own a car
Caring
Loving
Respectful
Allow me to speak my mind
Chinese preferred

Many men already told me this list is typical. The criteria are not particular high. My conclusion is those men who said this list is too hard for them to achieve have probably been stagnant for a long time and these men are not worthy.

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Deja vu

Source: www.logility.com

By the way, I posted an ad on Locanto Singapore looking for a boyfriend for almost 6 months and even now, I still get new guys contacting me. The unfortunate thing is that history keeps repeating and won't stop.

I visited a friend whom I got to befriend while I was in the IMH (short for Institute of Mental Health). NO! I'm not mad. By the way, just for your information, the IMH in Singapore is not just a shelter for the truly mad people, they are also for people with depression. They are also people who are admitted because they want to seek a temporary shelter before going home. All they have to do is to tell the doctors they are mad and they will be admitted. There were also foreign maids who were working in Singapore. If some maid employment agencies found that their maids are seriously homesick, they would send them here too before sending them back to their home country,

So back to my deja vu stories.

The world is awashed with Indians, Bangladeshis and Pakistanis:
I already wrote very clearly that I preferred Chinese man to contact me. However, many men who are browsing the ad simply skip over the details and many Indians, Bangladeshis and Pakistanis living in Singapore contacted me. And even when I told all of them I'm not interested, they are so "sticky" and keep asking me to accept them! I keep praying to God not to send me these men again but my prayers are not answered and history keeps repeating

The world is awashed with divorcees:
Of course, normal single men who have never been married or those who are in a proper marriage would not patronise Locanto Singapore, which is a place for soliciting services. That's why I encountered so many divorcees. This is another thing I don't want to have and I kept praying to all gods to please not let these things ever happen to me again, but they don't seem to hear my prayers and keep sending me divorcees.

The world is awashed with man (married and single) looking for services:
I wrote clearly in my ad that I was looking for a boyfriend to settle down but guys keep contacting me for service. Don't they read?! It happens again and again and I pray to God to stop these fast!

The world is left with men in their late teens, in their early twenties and those more than 40 years old:
I am in my early thirties and I pray to find men in the early thirties as well. But they are missing. I got men as young as 19 years old contacting me to be their girlfriend and guys as old as 50 years old (20 years of age gap!). I have already prayed very hard for God to send me the right person but ... ... sigh!

The world is left with men with no education:
I prayed that I would find a capable men but all I got were men with primary or secondary school education. Recently, there was even a man with a diploma in marketing and had chosen to be a taxi driver as his career. I really do not want to see these men and I prayed hard but God couldn't hear me. My father is a taxi driver and we live a poor life. I do not want to continue to live a poor life. I don't understand why God wants me to punish me sending men to me that will keep me down forever living a lowly life. Please God, hear my prayers please!

Hope these types of incidents will eventually stop soon and I find the right one finally.

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Been a busy bee for the past several weeks

Busy bee

Hi! I'll be coming back.

For those of you who have been following this particular blog of mine, I'm so sorry I have been quiet for so long.

Maybe some of you have been wondering whether I have been busy dating. How I wish!

The reality was: I was bogged down by tons of work from my job and sideline businesses. However, I also set aside time to chat with guys and had a few dates, just that dates only came by occasionally.

How I wish it was the opposite: lots of dates and finding the final one and lesser work!

Since the busy period is mainly over, I'll be coming back to update this blog more often.

I appreciate your patience with me.

And I will update you about those dates and chats that I have experienced in the past several weeks.

STAY TUNED!!!

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Are you okay with a simple dinner?

"Just a simple dinner will do"

"you dun mind a simple dinner right?"

I told this guy I didn't understand what he meant.

Throughout my 31 years of life, I have never had a single complicated or complex dinner in my life.

Every meal that I have, whether it's breakfast, lunch, tea-break, dinner or supper, is always simple.

He asked not once but twice whether it would be okay to have a "simple" dinner.

Sigh.........................................................................................................................

Maybe he thought I needed something else (you know what I mean) besides eating.

I sincerely pray that the actual dinner would not be so bad. I will give you an update on it. Stay tuned.

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Really want to trust you, but ... ...

Source: Pinterest

Men, I really want to trust you. I have still not given up hope of finding a life partner. But I'm really encountering a lot of obstacles. You have not given me enough evidence that I can trust you and just simply demanded me to trust you when I don't even know you.

On 13 September 2016, a guy contacted me via WeChat and said that he was "sincere about me". Yet, when I sent him my photo and gave him a few details such as my age and career, he did not even reply me and straightaway remove me from his contact list.

How I know that?

Because I was waiting for him to get back to me on when he wanted to meet. When I didn't get the message, I sent him a message to probe his interest but my message didn't get through because WeChat prompted me to send him a friend request to him in order for the message to get through.

So this guy isn't that "sincere about me" at all! It was pure gibberish.

P.S. I was so angry I deleted the entire WeChat messages that I exchanged with him. So I will leave it to your imagination to figure out the process between us.

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Sham marriages? No, now Sham divorces

Source: www.womenofchina.cn

In  some countries, people have sham marriages in order to gain certain benefits like citizenship but in some, people file sham divorces in order to also gain certain financial benefits.

I don't know what to think and what to say.

Everything is so linked to money. Everything is so commercialised. Even marriage, which is a kind of fundamental social relationship, is not spared. What these incidents tell me are people increasingly treat marriage/divorce/relationship as a tool to be exploited for gain.

Since 30 March 2015, in Shenzhen, China, there are curbs limiting married couples to buying two properties only. By divorcing, these couples made themselves eligible again as purchases of properties.

Maybe I'm still very idealistic to think that marriage is an expression of love and it is an important relationship that should be influenced by the love and care between a couple and should not be so tied-up with external things.

I'm very disappointed with the way things are going. We are losing true love, true care and concern, not just between humans but also with our natural environment,

Do read more about this matter from Singapore-based TODAY newspaper, "To get Shenzhen homes, buyers turn to sham divorces".

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Different, different, but same

There was a Singapore politician (ex current Manpower Minister Lim Swee Say) [A reader pointed out to me that I got my fact wrong! He should be the current not ex minister. I'm so sorry I didn't check before writing this and my memory has failed me! This is no laughing matter! Apologies.]who once made such a comment, "We are same-same but different." This isn't a grammatically-correct sentence but let's not distract us from the meaning he was attempting to convey. He was basically trying to tell the Singapore masses that although they were all Singaporeans, but there are some differences, such as social class, race, and economic status.

So, I made a complete spin on his famous phrase "same-same but different", coming up with "different-different but same" to share with you the latest dating nightmare I've experienced.

Every time I meet a really good guy, I always thought, "Yes! Finally, I'm going to settle down this time." But it always ends abruptly and I don't know why. This screenshot was taken very recently, as you can see the date was not even reflected yet. The date was 14 September 2016, Wednesday.

The week before that, I was still chatting with this guy and "kiss" goodnight through WeChat. I already knew him for about a month! However, just a week a later, he suddenly blocked me (or perhaps deleted me from his contact list) and my messages couldn't be sent through anymore. I have to send to friend request to him and only after he accepts it will I only be able to chat with him again.

I have so many of such cases before where guys disappeared suddenly without any word and I don't know why! He told me he was not such a person and repeatedly asked me to trust him. He was always very angry when I compared his behaviour to those men I met before him. In the end, he is a different man from others, but still the same too.

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"Ok fuck off"

If you have been following my blog, you will know that I have recently been cheated by a Bangladeshi. He was a nice man apparently, with a mild character and he's actually quite highly educated. He was a university dropout because his mother died and he was much affected. Shortly after that, his brother introduced him to come to Singapore 9 years ago in 2007 and he's been working ever since. In the first 3 months, he was always messaging me and calling me and wanting to meet me. However, suddenly, he no longer called or texted. He even said I was the one supposed to arrange all the dates. He made me wait at the train stations for me and only informed me that he would not meet me up at the agreed time to meet. After many incidents like these, I knew I have been cheated.

I am no interested in Indians and Bangladeshis and generally people with dark skin anymore. I had two disappointments in a row and I didn't think I could take in more. Before this Bangladeshi boyfriend, I had a local Singaporeans Indian boyfriend who thought that it was okay to promise to meet and then cancel the date at the last minute without informing the other party. I cannot take this kind of behaviour as an appropriate way to treat another person.

So, recently you should know that I posted a Locanto ad, announcing to the world I'm looking for a new boyfriend. A lot of guys responded, including many Indians from Singapore, Malaysia and India. 

This guy that I've screenshot above is an Indian from Singapore who currently lives in Malaysia due to his work. I'm really very upset from my past two dating experiences with Indians that I do not really want anymore Indian men in my life. So I just told him I'm not interested and even apologised to him.

I never expected that he would use vulgar language on me.

You Fuck Off Too!

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Black is choosing White but White may not choose Black

Source: www.emirates247.com

The Blacks that I'm referring to are the Indians while the White that I'm referring to are the Chinese. Although I'm just referring to these two ethnic groups, we can definitely extend our thoughts to any pair of ethnic groups.

Whenever people or the media talk about interracial dating, interracial couple and interracial marriage, the words of my cousin would come to my mind easily. My cousin was happily married two years ago and now has just given birth to a baby boy. She achieved her goal. She's a locally-born Chinese and she said other than a Singaporean Chinese, there's no one else she would consider. I don't know why this has to be the case. Perhaps it's fear? Perhaps the determination to preserve one's culture?

For me, I have been an avid music student and recently have started teaching piano as well. I love music and piano. Music can be found everywhere, in every country, every culture and every tribe. Music opens my mind to politics and religions and shows me that music-making is not just and aesthetic pursue but one that is rigged with money, business, royalties, politics and religions. Because music is made everywhere, we music learners have to learn many different languages such as French, German, Italian and Russian. I love the exposure. So I have always been very open-minded about people and cultures and I have chatted and dated men from among local Chinese Singaporeans, Malay Singaporeans and Indian Singaporeans. I have also dated ang-moh (Caucasian) expatriates and recently an Indian expatriate from India. 

Regular surveys among Singaporeans also showed that they prefer to marry within their ethnic group. For certain groups, especially the Malay Muslim community, there's more tendency to marry within the same group because of religious reason which is very difficult to overcome for non-Muslims from other ethnic groups. However, that has not deterred Chinese and Malay Muslim or Indian and Malay Muslim from marrying each other in some cases.

The Indian expatriate which I'm currently dating has told me he has also liked Chinese girls but when he revealed that he was an Indian, the girls immediately stopped communicating with him. He is a worldly man who embraces globalisation and is very open about finding a partner coming from a difference skin colour from him but he found that local Chinese Singaporean women have been very conservative.

Biologically, there's really no difference among people from all over the world. We all belong to the same species and can mate with one another. So the barrier that prevents different ethnic groups from interacting with one another is really artificial. Even if you quote culture, but what culture really is is a set of norms that have been devised by people (again) and conformed over time by the people within that ethnic group.

I can think of another obstacle and that is skin colour. Recently I read news that African women are using all kinds of cream to lighten their skin. It seems lighter skin is preferred over darker skin colour. I don't know if that's exactly what my cousin was thinking or any other Chinese Singaporean girls are thinking. This is something that will take a long time to change because it seems we all have coloured glasses when we look at people. It will take some time for people to realise that skin colour doesn't affect the IQ of their children and for companies to realise that skin colour does not affect competencies.

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Stereotyping An Introvert When Seeking a Relationship

Image Source: YouTube

After I posted an ad on Locanto Singapore website advertising that I'm looking for a boyfriend, I have been getting contacted by guys on a regular basis. It wasn't that bad after all. Only one or two are looking for sex. The rest are looking for real genuine long-term relationship that may lead to a marriage.

I was chatting with guy who worked in the central business district near Tanjong Pagar.

He was messaging me during working hours and sarcastically commented that I was "so busy that I didn't answer him?"

I replied with frustration asking him whether "it is right for someone not to be focus on his or her work during work hours."

He then apologised and said he meant no harm.

Next, he noticed that I didn't talk a lot and he texted me, "You are rather quiet."

I admitted to him. I told him I'm more a doer than a talker.

He then made a casual remark, "I hope you are not an introvert".

I think he doesn't mean to be offensive, but it really came as quite offensive to me.

So I told him off. I said, "I am an introvert. And I am a proud introvert. But I'm not the extreme type of introvert. Most people have a mix of introvert and extrovert qualities. Nobody is a pure extrovert or introvert."

He knew I was serious. So he replied, "No offence. I mean no harm."

In my daily life, I make friends with all types of people, both extroverts and introverts. Why do we want to make such a distinction? I don't understand. We are all humans and we are all equally valuable. Each life is unique. To classify people is a demeaning thing to do.

There are both good qualities in both extroverts and introverts. Two extroverts or two introverts can be couple, while an extrovert and an introvert can also be a potential couple as well. I have read and seen many kinds of couples.

I don't know why people have a problem with introverts. Are we from another planet? Do we look very differently from other people? We are as qualified as other women who are extroverts.

My answer to people who have issues with introverts will always be this: I am an introvert and a proud introvert because many outstanding introverts have changed the world and I'm 100 percent sure that there is nothing wrong with us.

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Many Calls This Month From Dating Agencies

Dating Consultant. Image Source: Business Insider

This is the month of August 2016 and I have received 2 marketing calls from 2 different dating agencies, one from eSynchrony and another from LunchActually.

I didn't receive any calls from any dating agencies since the beginning of the year and yet now, within the same month, within a span of 2 weeks.

Maybe my name and contact number are on a calling list which is currently being circulated through different dating agencies now and the telemarketers have just reached my name.

I turned all of them down. I no longer feel dating companies offer any hope for me. They kept telling me that the fees they charge justify the database they have but having a good database has nothing to do with successful matching.

If the match fails, you lose both money and time.

I strongly encourage you to use dating apps like Tinder or Paktor or put up a free ad looking for a boyfriend at online classifieds. They are free. So even if you don't find someone suitable at the moment, you don't suffer from financial loss.

No doubt some people have found success and true love with the help of dating agencies.

At least for me, they are no longer my option anymore.

Make your own decision today.

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How many times have you had the "Why haven't you got married yet?" conversations?

Image Source: life.stylehoney.com

Many of my Facebook friends (all males) are surprised that I'm still single and I have been bombed with repeated questions of "Why haven't you got married?" many times. The way these guys asked questions are very routine and I always ended up answering the same set of questions over and over again.

I'm tired of answering. Over time, I have come up with a routine on how to answer such questions. This is how it usually goes:

Male Friend: You look pretty. Why haven't you got married?

Me: Because I don't have a boyfriend.

Male Friend: Why you don't have boyfriend?

Me: I don't know.

Male Friend: Are your standards too high?

Me: Definitely no.

Male Friend: If there's someone who is genuine, would you consider?
(they usually refer to themselves)

Me: Yes, of course I would consider.
Male Friend: I am single and I'm also looking for someone nice and genuine. Hope to see you soon.

Actually I wonder why they say that. These are usually foreign friends who has never seen me before. How would they be able to understand who I was? Moreover, even if I'm open to a relationship with them, how are we going to maintain the relationship when we are living in two different countries?

I don't believe in long-distance relationship by the way, at least not in the beginning stage of a relationship.

What's your way of dealing with the "Why haven't you got married yet?" question?

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Marriage Nightmare: Are married women banned from meeting male friends?

www.reference.com

A Facebook friend of mine from the Philippines told me he was in Malaysia a while ago and asked me whether Singapore was near to Malaysia. I said "Yes".

So I told him Singapore is so near he should have contacted me when he was in Malaysia so that I could bring him around Singapore.

So he said okay. He would look for a time when he's less busy to come to Singapore.

The conversation was normal until he ended off telling me to inform my "husband so that he doesn't get the wrong idea."

I told him I wasn't married yet. And I told him I didn't even have a boyfriend.

But the point I find the most interesting is even if I'm married, why must I inform my husband when I'm just going out to meet friends?

I wouldn't want to feel so restricted in my social life even after marriage. If that's the case, I would rather give up marriage.

I hope I don't marry this kind of paranoid husband who is thinking that I am having a marital affairs outside.

This is the 21st century!!! What are men worrying about??

The marriage certificate doesn't ban married women from meeting male friends after marriage after all. This kind of sensitivity, to me, is just a reflection of man's own insecurity.

Hello men, wake up!! Even if your wife informs you about every guy she meets, can you guarantee there isn't an extra marital affairs being involved? Can't you be more confident of yourself and of your own wife? Are you going to second-guess everything she does? Is there no trust at all in your partnership?

Wake up and be sensible!

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What To Do When You Finally Meet The Right Guy After Years of Fake Relationships

quotesgram.com

For the past 7 years, I have been trying to find a boyfriend. But every year, I would meet with a failure. I always ended up meeting up a cheat. One of the cheats was even recommended by a close associate in work. Every year, I would set higher bars and more criteria to determine the fake men from the real men but every year, smarter and smarter men broke my criteria and got into a fake relationship with me.

Why do I say "fake"?

My very first fake relationship came from a guy I knew in Friendster, an outdated social network website now. He said he just broke up with his girlfriend and emphasised that he's single. For a few weeks, we met and he would always bring me to secluded places so that he could touch me all over my body. I was innocent, you see. He said he's teaching me how to be intimate with men. He was working as a young assistant mechanical engineer at a big local engineering firm and was enrolled in a degree program for mechanical engineering at Kaplan. For a few times, I helped him with his course assignment. Only after a few months later, I found he updated his profile picture which showed a picture of him hugging a girl. I questioned him immediately and he never spoke to me thereafter.

On and off, I went for many dates before a close associate at work introduced me to a young colleague that had joined his team. He added me on WeChat and started chatting with me. I was attracted by his humour. He was telling me all the nice things that you would expect a guy to shower you with when they started pursuing you as a date, so I wasn't aware of his true motive. Moreover, this was a guy introduced by an associate I knew. What harm could there be? I was very trustful of the start of a relationship between us. We went for lunch once at Subway where he gave me a Subway treat. He asked me whether I like to travel to Malaysia. I said I would love to but wasn't familiar as I only went to Malaysia in my lifetime. He was telling me that he "would soon bring me there". After a few months of knowing him, I decided I wanted to leave the company and seek employment with a new company. He said he would continue to come and "find me" after I left the company. Yes, he continued to communicate with me on WeChat after I left the company and I asked him about the Malaysian weekend trip again. He continued to say "soon" as he was still busy with project requirements and he said it would end soon. And I continued to wait patiently. However, after waiting for weeks, I saw an update on his Facebook photo album with pictures taken at Malaysia's Johor Bahru's Legoland theme park with a young lady and another middle-aged woman who looked like his auntie. He appeared very close to the young lady. I questioned about it and told him I was upset because he had been telling me we would travel to Legoland together soon. He told me he was sorry and he "hadn't meant to upset me".

AS IF I'M GOING TO BELIEVE HE'S SINCERELY SORRY WHAT HE HAD JUST DONE!!!

Then at this social network website called Twoo, I got to know a Vietnamese professional working in Singapore as a senior civil engineer. He had been involved in the construction project of our Singapore Indoor Stadium where it recently held the 2016 Singapore National Day Parade for its 51st year of independence. When we first started dating together, he shared with me that every month, he would make a trip back to Vietnam to visit his critically-ill father. After about 6 months, he suddenly stop communicating with me. After about a month without any news from him, he suddenly set me a message through Skype. I asked him where he was and he told me he was in Australia enrolled in a Master degree course. I was shocked that he was gone just like that. I was his girlfriend and how could he do such a thing? He said that a few weeks ago his father had died and he quit his job and flew back to Vietnam to pay his last respect for his father. After that, he flew straight to Australia. I told him even if his father had died, there was no need for him to quit his job and go Australia. I told him he should have consulted me about his decision. I was furious that I wasn't treated like a girlfriend because he made his decisions unilaterally without informing me. I was asking, "What the hell is this?" Moreover, he told me to quit my job, give up everything in Singapore and join him there in Australia immediately as a "poor student". What kind of boyfriend would want his girlfriend a hard life? That's how I ended the relationship with him. I deleted his phone number from my mobile phone and deleted his detail from my Skype contact list.

Then I had one "relationship" on Facebook, which I quickly realised was a scam because I was asked for money for a gift parcel to be sent to me.

Then I got to know a real local Indian guy through Facebook. Initially it was alright. He was a Hindu and a vegetarian. But he expected to me to buy him meals every time because he said he did not have any on-going projects in his business and thus didn't have extra income. That still hadn't reached my tolerance limit. The worst was when I called him one evening after my tuition class and we agreed to meet the next day for dinner. But when the next evening arrived and he didn't appear at our meetup place, I called him and he said he was at the National Day Rehearsal and having a great time and wouldn't be meeting him. I then scolded him and said he should have informed me earlier when he changed his decision and shouldn't have waited for me to call him up when I was already waiting at the agreed place to meet him up. He was angry that I shouted at him. I demanded for an apology and he asked "what wrong has he done?" He said I was making a fuss out of something so minor. He didn't like me and he stopped contacting me and never bothered to official declare he wanted a breakup. So far, all the guys I had met till then didn't want to say breakup. They just stopped contacting when they didn't feel like it!

Then I got to know another guy also from Facebook. He was from Bangladesh and was a skilled worker in Singapore in the construction industry. He was gentle. He was enthusiastic in the beginning and kept meeting me up for dinner. We went to Johor Bahru together and had quiet moments together in several parks here in Singapore. I thought he was a genuine man and would be my last boyfriend. But after about 3 months, he said he had a new project. The project lasts for 18 months and he would be working everyday. He now expected me to pay for my own meals and for me to arrange meetup. He said I should be the one to arrange dates not him. So I said okay. Then when I arranged the dates, he would not turn up. I would always have to call him to ask him where he was. The frustrating thing was he didn't pick up the call immediately. It was always after half an hour or an hour of waiting that he then SMS me to tell me to "go home first". I would keep calling him until he picked up and scold him. He would say I was sick. I was so frustrated. He was the one who played foul and why did I have to be labelled as a "sick" person? So this happened every month until last month I couldn't stand it anymore and sent him the most number of SMSes with messages such as "son of a bitch", "asshole", "cheat" and so on. Today he has blocked me from his contact list totally.

So then, a few earlier, I posted an ad in Locanto Singapore website advertising that I'm looking for a boyfriend to settle down. I was contacted by an IT professional from India. I have met him once already at this time of writing. He seemed genuine and I really wanted to trust him. I said I would take my time to ascertain the relationship because I didn't want to fall into traps again. He was quite unhappy about it and said I shouldn't let my past experience affect this new relationship. I told him candidly I really have to do it this way because I wanted to protect myself and did not want another fake relationship again. I'm still waiting to see how this relationship would turn out. I only seek his understanding that I would like to take things more slowly and not intending to rush through the relationship (as it happened in all my past failed relationships). I told him it would be okay for him not to continue have contact with me now if he didn't think he wanted to go out with someone with a baggage. He's accepted partially (which makes him even a more genuine person in my view). He said he would show me over time that he was a genuine one. I hope so.

So, that's what I did, be being candid. I think this is the fairest to both parties.

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Fake Guys Who Keep You Hanging On

www.pinterest.com

That quote above is very close to my heart.

I don't know the mindset of these guys.

Either they are genuine and do not want to be direct to the girls because they are afraid of hurting the girls' heart or they are out for an ulterior motive which may be to kill their time or to have a more exciting affairs on top of their existing relationship with another woman.

I ended another relationship.

The same type of relationship as I had for the past 7 years.

I've been trying to avoid and every year I use more criteria to screen out the fake guys from the genuine ones but I keep getting the fake ones.

Their modus operandi is very similar:

First, they will be very sweet to win my heart. They will say they are the last man I ever will need. We will chat on Facebook Messenger/Whatsapp/WeChat. We would chat very happily. He would make me feel that I have finally found the right man.

Next, they will arrange for a date. Two things can happen, depending on the type of guy. One scenario is that the guy will arrange for a date. He will also confirm the date one day before the actual date, assuring me that they are genuine. However, on the actual date and time, I will usually need to call them and ask them where they are and usually I will get answers like "I have a meeting and cannot meet you" or "I am not feeling well and have a headache". I will say okay usually to give them the benefit of doubt. They will usually tell me that we will meet next time soon. However, one or two weeks will pass or even one or two months will pass and I don't hear from them anymore.

Another type is smarter. They will usually behave like a normal boyfriend in the beginning few months. They will proactively ask me out for dates or for walks in parks. But after a few months, they suddenly change. They will suddenly stop contacting me. I will usually call them after about 2 weeks and they will tell me they are busy with work. I will wait for 1 month to give them a call again. They will say they are still busy. Two months later, three months later, six months later they will still say the same thing. Even if I manage to set up a date on a particular day and time and place, at the agreed time, they will always fail to turn up and even refuse to take phone calls. I have been left waiting for nothing for many times.

Moreover, when they finally pick up the phone, I will usually vent my anger at what they are doing and I get a lash back from them, saying I'm too fussy or that they have mis-communicated and I have heard wrongly and one even said I'm sick to scream at him over the phone. He was the one who told me that he was free any time on a particular day so I thought I could finally meet him that day. But at the stipulated time, he did not come as I suspected. I called him for half an hour before he sent me an SMS to inform me that he had gone to the mosque for prayer and could not meet me. I scolded him over the SMS and continued to call. He scolded me back and said he didn't like people who talk too much. This made me even more angry because he was wrong in the first place and didn't apologise and still criticise me for scolding him. He blocked me from calling him for a few days. This was the guy I finally ended communication with a few days ago.

I am willing to give guys a fair chance, just as I have given myself a fair chance to meet legitimate guys. The most frustrating thing is to have guys criticise me for being so cautious when I have my rights to protect myself from harm.

I cannot advise guys not to behave this way because there are always some black sheep, just that I don't know why I get the black sheep all the time. The best advice from me would be to women to become smarter and screen out those who want to get to know you for their bad intention or to stop the relationship as soon as you can if you suspect you are already in such a relationship.

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