If a relationship is toxic, why cling on to it?
In my previous post, "
Dating Advice For A Friend", you know about a friend I have, known as KL.
After thinking through his relationship and a numerology reading, he has finally decided to break up. I feel happy for him. I'm not sadistic but I think the relationship does not meet his objective.
His girlfriend wants an interesting person but KL is a down-to-earth person (to the point of being too boring ;-)).
She expects 100% devotion, to the point of sacrificing KL's time for his parents, friends, work and leisure. There's no right and wrong, because sometimes, people do go into relationships that all people around them object to. But I can tell KL is not ready to sacrifice all this friends and family members yet.
She expects 100% obedience. If she wants my friend KL to arrive by a certain time, and if he did not arrive by the exact, she will be gone.
She expects him to take the blame for anything that goes bad during a date, even though it doesn't stem from KL fault. For example, once they boarded a public bus that smelled and she became angry with KL and blamed him.
She's paranoid. By accident, she discovered KL's Instagram account which my friend had not used for a long time since he's broken down with his ex-girlfriend. It was an account that he set up with when he was still with his ex-girlfriend and he forgot about deleting it when the relationship ended. His current girlfriend was mad assuming that he had tried to hide this past relationship from her and also possibly assuming he was still keeping in touch with his ex. A fierce argument resulted.
As social animals, each one of us has different roles to play, depending on the context. We are a friend when we are in our social groups. We are a child, a sibling or a cousin when we are with our families. We are colleagues when we are in our work environment. We are a sports lover when we indulge in our favourite sports. We are not hermits. If KL takes up this relationship, life is going to turn upside down.
Every one has a past. A healthy relationship should be one where each party accepts each other's past. The focus should not be on the past, but the present and the future. This does not mean we cannot ask or should not share anything about our past relationships. We can and we should to understand each other better, but it should be done with maturity and without judgement.
A Tip For Breaking Up A Relationship
I'm happy that my friend KL has decided to break up this relationship with his incompatible girlfriend but he's not doing it the right way.
He has met up with her and told her in a tactful way that the relationship is over. But he's still responding to his now ex-girlfriend messages. His ex-girlfriend now thinks he still cares for her and is thinking of getting him back into a relationship with her.
What do you think my friend should do?
I would think he should stay away from any form of communication for a few months with her until the emotions has fully died down.
Objective For Building and Having A Relationship
I don't object to any girl that my friend wants to be with. If he just wants to have a girlfriend for the simple reason of having a companion for fun, I think the girl is good enough. Anyway, she's keeping every day of his life busy by asking him to do this and that, conforming to her in every way and quarrelling with him on almost everything.
But I understand that my friend's objective is a potential marriage at the end of the courtship. Therefore, I don't think this girl is suitable for him. That's why I'm happy for him when he has finally thought things through and broken up with her (although he's not doing it the right way).
Should You Continue To Keep In Touch With Your Ex?
I don't. But I know some people do so. I guess there is no right or wrong way. It all depends on both parties. If the relationship can truly transform from romantic to platonic, why not? After all, you can continue to keep a friend instead of losing it all.
However, if your ex is married now, you have to consider his or her spouse. Some spouses are sensitive to ex-relationships. If you continue to stay in touch with your ex, misunderstanding may occur. Extra-marital affairs may be accused on you.
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