What causes such a drastic break down in relationship?

Source: ClipartFest

I want to share with you a tragedy that happened in Singapore.

You can read the news article here: Thai woman jailed 5½ years for stomping Singaporean boyfriend to death.

In Singapore, two months ago in March 2017, a Thai woman killed her boyfriend by stomping him to death after a quarrel. What a horrible news!!!

If we read the headline only and if we have some pre-assumptions, we may be tempted to think that the woman must have been a crazy woman to have done such a terrible deed.

However, read the news in detail and you can see that when something like this happened, you can't just blame a single party. Although it sounded that the Thai woman didn't seem sane, she was in fact agitated by her boyfriend for a long period of time.

He was highly suspicious of her having sexual relationships with other men. He insulted her parents who were staying with them. I also have reasons to believe that they are other incidents in their lives that lead to tensions between the couple. As time passed and emotions built up, this culminated in the demise of the man.

I think they forgot about why they were together in the first place. Every time you have a quarrel, it is good to think about that. As humans, we are not in our perfect self 100% of the time. We do fail to function properly on certain days. If the mistakes are made unintentionally, then forgive and forget and move on.

However, if you think someone has changed permanently, and is being toxic to the relationship, why not have the courage to end it? If this Thai woman has more friends, has done work to widen her social group, I think she may have left her boyfriend and this incident may not have happened.

So here's another lessons to be learnt: have your own life. Having a boyfriend doesn't mean the world is all about him only. It is not. If the man doesn't allow you to have your life, I think it's time to consider leaving him.

How do you feel when you read such a piece of news?

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The Food of Love

Source: http://izquotes.com

Since Shakespeare compares food with love, is love a kind of flavour?

I think that Shakespeare hasn't complained explained the nature of love through this simplification.

I'm trying to think about what's common between the two.

And I think that the answer is spiritual.

Eating is not just physical thing. The Japanese say "Itakakimasu" to thank for the food before they start eating and "Gochisoosamadeshita" to thank for the food they have finished. There's a kind of spirit attached to food.

If love is just an emotional thing, it's not going to be transient.

But if it is something that comes from inside us, much like passion and persistence, it's going to be more long-lasting.

So love comes from sense of kindness, appreciation and purity that comes from inside us.

What do you think? What is love?

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Don't go for handsome guys

Handsome guy. (Source: Pinterest)

About two months ago, I overheard my mum who was talking on the house phone about my younger sister. For those of you who have been following my blog, you would have known something unfortunately happened to my younger sister.

She had recently gone through a painful divorce and it wasn't even a reasonable divorce. Her ex-husband who was a Chinese young man from China wanted to file for a divorce not because he didn't find her compatible or because he had an extra-marital affairs (he did have, but it secondary to the primary reason). The primary reason I think is because he has obtained his Permanent Residency in Singapore. It was very obvious because he asked for a divorce as soon as he has obtained it!

I don't even think my sister's ex-husband is qualified to be a handsome man. Anyway, that's how my mum sees it to be.

So she was on the phone sharing that she had told my sister to look for normal looking guys because handsome guys were usually not genuine. (Whether that's true or not, you can mull over it over the weekend.)

Personally, I don't think it's totally true. I have already looked at so many wedding photos of my friends on Facebook and their husbands are so handsome. Their marriages seem stable because many of them have their children one or two years after their marriages. Some have one child and others have two children. A few have even three now.

I think whether or not a guy is handsome or not, we need to go below their surface and feel from our intuition whether this guy is real or fake, genuine or a fraud. You have to step away from your emotions for a while and look at things with a level head.

One thing that I don't feel my mum is being fair towards my sister is that she seems to be blaming my sister when I feel that she needs to take half of the blame. 8 years ago when the guy proposed to marry my sister, I told my mum to say no, at least for a year, to test their relationship. However, she refused. She told me she would accept all responsibilities if anything happened. All my other family members including my father and my grandfather objected in view that they needed more time to assess this guy. My mum agreed and pushed ahead with the marriage despite all our objections.

So things have turned sour. My mum didn't accept full responsibility and blamed my sister for going after guys who  were handsome. If she had said no 8 years ago, the tragedy today might never have happened.

Life has to go on. This divorce has dealt a huge blow to my sister. I hope time will heal her broken heart.

Good luck to the rest of you!

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When are you getting married, teacher?

Marriage bells. (Source: Pinterest)

I have a very adorable student who asked me that question. As you can see, some of my students can be quite a busybody.

I asked why were you so eager to see me getting married? I told her my mum didn't even ask that question on me.

You know what her cute answer was?

"Teacher, if you get married, then I will have a lot of nice food to eat!"

Yes, my student loves to eat. She's a glutton and can see all day long!

She said why I hadn't married even though I was already more than 30 years old. She said she wanted to get married by 23, just like her mother and have three children. As far as I can see, people DO want to marry young. It's not the same picture as that painted by the government of my country, Singapore, where people's mindset has changed and they want to put career first. Yes, I agree to some extent because some people do think that way but many do want to marry young.

So I told her marriage is not that simple nowadays, especially in Singapore, where cost of living is high and our salary is not matching up! Money is needed to buy house and provide a stable sustenance which is very important if we are going to raise children.

I will be waiting for that big day to eventually come. In the mean time, I hope for the best.

I hope you see your big day coming soon too.

Good luck!

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The relationships in our societies are breaking down?

(News Story Source: The Courier Mail)

Maybe it's because Singapore is a "modern" open city that it opens itself up to all kinds of people, some of whom are really up to no good.

Two weeks ago when I was a attending a language workshop, I shared about my sister's divorce case. It was not a case of relationship becoming cold, but it was because it was meant to be a set up from the beginning. The guy asked for a divorce as soon as he received his permanent resident status in Singapore.

So the lady whom I shared this story with reciprocated and told me a similar story that happened to some of her girl friends. She said these kinds of stories are very common nowadays and we needed to be very careful in who we chose to have a relationship with.

I'm disappointed that our society has degraded to such a state where relationship has become a means for financial gains. But I understand we need not let those kinds of unscrupulous men take advantage. It's a matter of whose stronger and smarter. If we women become wiser and learn to discern those insincere men, these people would soon lose their market and disappear from among us

Let us all be very careful in whom we choose.

Good luck!

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People take relationship very lightly in these days

Source: https://wall.alphacoders.com/

As I was still receiving Whatsapp messages from men who saw my ads on Locanto, and as I was in a relatively steady relationship with my boyfriend, I decided to expire those ads. Still, I receive messages now and then but much fewer now though.

I found that there were some men who took relationship so lightly. The first question can ask is: Can I be your boyfriend? Or, can you be my girlfriend?

Come on. You and I don't know each other and you think I'm just going to say YES?

These guys don't know what relationship is and are looking for instant condiments to quickly flavour their taste buds.

In this age of rapid technological development, we are always told to change things quickly, to look forward and adapt to survive. I agree to change, if is it good for us.

However, good relationship is something I won't compromise. It has been shown that have good relationships maintain the harmony and stability of society, helping to reduce mental problems. I would say I won't want to have any changes to the basic nature of relationship.

Relationship needs to be taken seriously. It needs time to nurture and develop. If there's one thing in this world that shouldn't change, relationship will be the one.

I look forward to a world where people take time away from work more often to spend the limited time they have with their family, loved ones and good friends.

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How do you feel when your friends updated about their marriage on FB?

Just Married. Source: Pinterest

My friends are mostly in the early 30s age group.

Many of them have posted photos of their weddings on their Facebook. I have several especially these last 2-3 years.

Many of my ex-colleagues too who are in their 30s have done the same.

My schoolmates as well.

Not only that, many of them have their first child, several having a second one, and a few their third.

I'm full of best wishes for them because they have all moved on to another stage of their lives.

I wonder why many people could have a normal life and a few like me felt being left out.

Why is God so cruel? Isn't he supposed to be there to uplift all of us?

More than ten years ago, I started to find a boyfriend. You know how the story went if you have followed this blog. And it was only at the beginning of this year 2017 that I finally found one.

If it has taken me so long to find a boyfriend, when will be my wedding day?

When will be the day I start a family?

Plus, God has put me in a poor family and I have to put money and survival first before anything else.

When can I start to live the dreams that all other girls are living?

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He didn't forsake me!

Look to the future because that is where you'll spend the rest of your life. (Source: QuotesGram)

A few days ago, I wrote that I had to give up this good man in my life because of the family burden that I am still shouldering now.

I told him off.

He was angry but he also told me he wanted to build a future with me. He told me that those problems of mine belong to my parents' generation and it was wrong for them to push their problems to me.

I said okay.

So we are still together and working hard to make a future for ourselves and to be freed from my parents' problems.

I'm very grateful to have this man in my life. He truly loves me for who I am. He is truly a caring person and a responsible and sensible man.

If you haven't found someone like this, I'm sure you will be able to find one soon.

Good luck!

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It's my fault now

Source:wisdompills.com

Now, I've been blaming guys a lot now.

But this post is different.

I have only myself to blame.

With my poor looks, thin figure, poor job and future prospects, poor health and coming from a bad family background, whichever guy I'm with will suffer.

I thought I'm in a position to be in love, to think about romance, love and marriage. But no.

With family members hounding me to give back every cent that they have spent on me will take me a lifetime of responsibility and suffering.

Where else do I find the energy to take care of my career, health and start a family.

I'm always so tired.

I have to let go of this good guy two months ago.

I have to know my place in this life is to suffer, not to enjoy the best that life can bring.

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"money is the most important thing"

It's 2nd May, one day after Labour Day. I hope you have a good day of rest for the past 1 year of hard work. If you are reading this post, thank you very much for your attention and time. I hope it may amuse you a little and make your day a little funnier with anecdotes from my dating experiences.

How can money be THE MOST important thing?

It IS IMPORTANT, but not the most important.

Money can support healthy relationship by bringing food to family, paying for the utilities and house loan so that a family can have a proper place to stay and have the means to sustain itself.

However, there are intangibles to the quality of a relationship such as love and care that money alone cannot provide. Love and care are independent of money and can be provided even when a family is poor.

I'm sorry, you are not the type of guy I'm seeking.

Do you agree that this guy is right? What is your philosophy about relationship? Leave a comment below.

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