We're not meant to be

There are some girls in this world who can find boyfriends very easily. In the past, I have heard conversations on the trains when I was commuting that that so-and-so girl broke up with her ex-boyfriend the previous week but found a new one the next.

I often listened to stories with envy.

How can a girl find a compatible guy so quickly? Are there always so many compatible guys around her? Why is she so lucky to have these guys around her for her to pick and choose?

As I get to know more guys, I find that there are so many factors to consider.

For example, one of the examples is his education background. I don't discriminate potential partners according to their education background. This is why I chat with men with primary school education, secondary school, high school education, degree holders like me, or even those who have higher degrees. Education is only one aspect of a person. It is not enough to know an entire person. There are successful businessmen who have very little formal education. So, I don't see education as the most important criterion. However, I find that the way men who have at least a high school education or polytechnic education will have a similar world view as I and that scores a point in evaluating whether we are compatible with each other.

Another factor is their professions. In general, certain kinds of jobs attract people with certain characters. For example, sales & marketing people are more extrovert and impatient. I'm an introvert but I don't mind going out with an extrovert. But some men are very particular about whether a girl is extrovert or introvert. So this can make or break a conversation.

The third factor is their personality and the way they talk with you. These give you a hint of their true character. There are some men who don't know how to talk or who are not sincere in the way they communicate. There are some men who talk nonsense. Guys who are compatible with you make your day when you talk to him

The fourth is having common goals and dreams. I think one reason why my current boyfriend has chosen me to be his girlfriend is because we both have dreams of wanting to earn big money and give our parents a good life. We both want to have children. We both place equal importance on family and career. We aim to leave corporate one day.

The fifth is family background. Different kinds of family raise children with different habits. In my family, I'm taught to repair and reuse old stuff until they have absolutely no value. However, some man may be disgusted with this kind of practice. To me, this kind of habit is normal and looking at the big picture, it can help us to reduce waste and spend less money. Some people always like to have new stuff. My current boyfriend came from a poor childhood as well, so we are very careful when buying and using stuff.

The sixth is time, that is, his availability. Availability is a measure of his sincerity. In all the past relationships, I have to beg the guy to meet me. Like a female friend who told me recently, the right guy would be someone where everything ran smoothly. For while, I didn't believe her. But now, I do. I do not have to beg my current boyfriend to meet me. He took the initiative to ask me out for dinners. He took the initiative to invite me to join his family for dinner. He asked me about my day. He's genuinely interested in whatever I'm doing. Whenever I want to go out during the weekend, he would join me. We trekked in the nature reserves and strolled in various parks together.

The final one is comfort. How he looks, how he carries himself, how he talks to you and other people. The combined feeling of all the factors above.

I understand some of us are not meant to be together. If so, say so and don't beat around the bush.

We're not meant to be. Took this guy two weeks to reveal his true intentions. All the time I thought we were okay.

Had a difficult time talking with this guy. I told him I started a Facebook fan page to promote travelling to Singapore. Who do you think the target audience of my fan page will be? It is travellers from other countries outside of Singapore that I'm looking at. However, this guy was telling there's such a small population in Singapore and questioning me the value of gathering many likes on the fan page. I told him this is not for Singapore people. It's for people all over the world and there are 7 billion people. Yet, he was telling me that having 100 likes on the page is having too many followers. He's not making sense. Of course, we cannot continue our conversation anymore from that point.

This guy doesn't have time for building a relationship. He's not ready yet he still wants to contact me. I told him not to waste his or mine time. This guy has not heart and space in his life for relationship. Even though he has already built up the foundation for his career, he continued to pour his time and effort into it. One day, when he retires, he will realise that his job is gone and he has no one by his side to share his life with. He will realise then that he's blinded by career and money.