Monday, January 30, 2017

Rubbish women deserve only rubbish men but how do you define what is rubbish?

Source: http://www.webstaurantstore.com/
I don't work as a trash or rubbish woman.

Why can't I deserve the best?

Why do I always keep getting the trash?

Am I a trash by birth?

No matter how I improve myself, I feel like I'm always among the trash.

My mom told me I ate my own shit one evening.

Maybe that incident had put a permanent indelible but invisible trash mark on my head. People can see it but I can't.

Armed with a engineering degree, fluent in English and Chinese, and working in a good job, why do I keep having the Indians, Bangladeshis, the primary school education-level men, the sexual perverts, the immature 20-year-old lad, the old 50-year-old man, and the physically sick men all coming out to tell me they want me to be their girlfriend and wife? Am I really as lousy as trash? Do these men think they can take care of me and the kids and give me happiness?

Do you feel you are facing the same thing?

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Friday, January 27, 2017

Dating Nightmares: Happy Chinese Rooster New Year 2017!

Source: Freepik

At this time, by tradition, many Chinese families would be having their reunion dinner. Today, 27 January 2017, is the Chinese New Year Eve. In a few hours' time, the Chinese would send away the monkey year to welcome the new year of rooster. And for the next 2 days, family members would be busy visiting relatives and friends to exchange blessings of good luck and prosperity.

However, in the past few years, some of my Chinese friends have decided to break away from traditions. They went overseas for a holiday trip instead of going around to visit relatives and friends.

Many did so because they are tired of facing and answering questions about when they are going to settle down.

I'm lucky my parents and relatives never ask me about this. I never face any pressure regarding settling down.

Sounds nice right?

But not so.

Beneath the surface, my parents and relatives never think I'm going to be able to settle down. Well, for one thing, none has ever had anything pleasant to say about how I look. I am really not a pretty girl. I have a long face, thin eyebrows, wear specs and might be a tad too thin to be called slim. I don't like to put on makeup (although I know how to put on makeup).

When my younger sister married 7 years ago, my mum had sort of cursed me. She declared that she would never attend another wedding in the family. For my father, he doesn't really care about his children. So whether I'm seeing someone or going to stay single all my life, these matters don't matter to him.

I know many parents and relatives are concerned about our future happiness but sometimes they have to be aware my friends and I are working hard to find that special one who will be willing and compatible enough to stay together. They should be aware that nowadays it's so hard to find one. One reason is because some jobs that people take require them to fly in and out of country every other week. When life is much simpler, it's easier to meet and date. However, life has become much more complex and demanding now and we have sold much of our time to our bosses. The second reason is that people are becoming much more particular. For example, there was a man who told me he didn't go for looks but he needed to see if the face of the woman suits him or not.

As for me, Chinese New Year for the past 2 years was disastrous. They were the worst. How could it not be when I have to deal with arguments, fights, police and police reporting during Chinese New Year? But I was happy at the same time because I stayed with my grandfather. He cared a lot about me.

This year is different. My grandfather had passed away last year in April and he would not be here to celebrate Chinese New Year with me anymore. My younger sister has also divorced last year and she would have no husband to celebrate with too.

So here's my arrangement for Chinese New Year 2017: There will be no visit to relatives' houses. I'm so disappointed in their character. When I needed help, where were they? Only my best friend and business partner was there for me. There will be a visit to my parents' house to pass a red packet each to my mother and father. My mother told me I'm obliged to repay her every cent she has spent on me since I was born before I'm permitted to leave her house. Probably I will be going to my sister's place. Probably my father won't be organising a family reunion dinner or a proper family meal. He never did in the past and probably will not do it now. He never once did anything in his life that brought the family closer together. My Vietnamese best friend, whom I knew since university, would also be going back to Vietnam, So, for the rest of the time, I guess I'll be spending alone.

One last thing: I'm going to pray hard that I will not be getting harassment, threats and physical aggression.

I want to look forward to firing my boss instead, and visiting friends in Australia and New Zealand.

How is your Chinese New Year different from last year?

You may like to read another post "How many times have you had the "Why haven't you got married yet?" conversations?"

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Monday, January 23, 2017

Your cousin is beautiful but you are not? So who can you blame?

Source: PictureQuotes.com
I tried to find the screenshot but couldn't. Apologies.

I shared with a guy about my cousin who all the while has told everyone around her she didn't want to get married but suddenly had a change of mind. As if there was magic, within a short time, her eldest brother found her a good match. They dated for only one year before the guy proposed to her. They officially consummated one year later and in the third year of their marriage had their first kid. Everything simply flowed smoothly.

This guy then gave me those comments, telling me that "your cousin is beautiful but you are not. So who can you blame?"

Yes I can blame someone else.

I blame my parents. I want to blame them for not being beautiful and handsome. Otherwise, I would not have to get this kind of comment from men.

But, what this guy said has a bit of truth in it.

If I inherited certain genes from my parents, I have only myself to blame right? It is I who inherited the genes. My parents merely provided the gene pool from which I'm created from but the final product came from me who did the final assembly right?

Ya. I'm to be blamed for everything. My ugliness, loneliness.

But the good thing is, I frequently prep-talk myself out of those depressing thoughts. I managed to find ways to keep myself engaged in positive and fulfilling activities such as blogging and photography.

I have written several eBooks which are on sale on Amazon Kindle, and this Dating Nightmares blog of mine has been fairly successful. I have fulfilled one of my goals of being a blogger and a writer! I have done it! And I'm slowly progressing to fulfill some of my other goals such as being a trainer and coach.

I am trying my best to live a good life. As for the rest, I don't care.

If you like my blog, remember to follow the link to my eBook at Amazon at the sidebar of this blog!

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Friday, January 20, 2017

I know what you are thinking and that is why you are pissed off

Source: http://memecrunch.com/
"If u think so then.bye"

Excuse me Mr. Kelvin, if you are not thinking of sex, why is that all the things you are asking are sexually related? Yet, you are angry with me for commenting that you are only seeking a sexual relationship.

You asked me if I liked to be hugged and kissed. You talked about licking the neck and ears. You talked about having regular sex and making love. You don't need a girlfriend to satisfy you in all these. You can simply get an escort!

Never once you ask about my life, about my interests, about my dreams, about my family.

So be it, bye. Because anyway, you don't really show you really care about my life at all.

Selfie of Mr. Kelvin
Mr. Kelvin was asking about whether I had good figure and was romantic (a man's euphemism for asking for intimacy) 
Mr. Kelvin offered to guide about how to make love
Mr. Kelvin simplistically thought that relationship was only about passion and love.
Mr. Kelvin went straight to the point and talked about hugging, kissing and making love!
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Tuesday, January 17, 2017

Parents should ask themselves if they are beautiful or handsome enough before they give birth to a baby girl

Source: http://www.freak4mypet.com/
I have written a few post about the importance of being beauty.

Believe me, I'm someone who looks more for inner beauty than outer beauty simply because I'm not a beauty myself. I like to learn and I think it's better to feed my mind with good brainfood (knowledge, skills, wisdom) than to be pretty on the outside but hollow in the insides.

But I was very naive about what most people think around me.

Now I understand why mums and dads, grandpas and grandmas like to comment whether their newborn child or grandchild is beautiful or handsome because people want to be beautiful and handsome. The reason why cosmetic surgeons flourish is because many people pursue beauty. Beauty is such a big thing in our society and I was living in my own shell, thinking that education will save me despite not having the looks.

But alas!

I knew too late. Even after now I have found out how society works, I still don't have the motivation to pursue beauty. Well, beauty is only skin deep and we all grow old one day. Whereas, with new knowledge, new skills, new insight, better mindset, my brain can be kept young and active!

A few friends and many strangers (can you imagine even people I don't know are also so kind to offer their advice) told my I should go for cosmetic surgery to become more beautiful. Actually, I'm not very ugly; I'm just less beautiful than other women. I don't have the motivation to go under the knife and risk all kinds of infection. A surgery is still a surgery, whether for medical or cosmetic!

Even my mum told me I was ugly simply because I looked like my grandpa (my mum's father). She lamented that instead of inheriting the good genes, I had inherited all the bad genes. As if I have the ability to choose which genes to inherit! (Good news is with CRISPR, a well-established genetic engineering technique that allows us to splice the DNA at very precise location, parents in the future will be able to choose how the child will look like and how smart their child will be).

I was very angry.

How I wish I could tell my mother that she should make sure that she's a beauty and my father's is a handsome prince before marring and give birth to me rather than expecting me to be a pretty girl when both of them are not exceptionally good-looking! Does she know I'm suffering now because of all the bad genes and she and my father carry? Is she aware because I'm not beautiful enough many men have rejected me?

Before any couple marries, make sure you are good looking or else your girl or boy will suffer, especially the girls, because guys look for beauty. This is something by nature and they cannot control. In case, your girl is not good looking enough, apologise to her and tell her you will do your best to find her a mate and stop blaming them for not being pretty enough because their genes came from you!

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Saturday, January 14, 2017

The only thing that women need to succeed in this world: it's not good education


First, let me define what success means to me, because success means different things to different women and with a proper definition, I can set the table straight.

To me, these are what I think being a successful woman means to to me:

  1. Highly educated (at least a degree) or being accomplished in a vocation/professions/business
  2. Have as many positive, sincere, and genuine lifetime friends
  3. Have good family relationships.
  4. Have a good marriage and raise good kids
  5. Contribute actively to the improvement of certain disadvantaged communities
  6. Being able to do what she's passionate about at all times

I really naively thought that being educated, being informed about the world was the most important thing and would allow me to achieve the rest of the five points. In my whole life, I have been pursuing more and more education so that I can understand the truth about how the world really works and stop being ignorant (my Junior College English teacher has used this word to comment a lot on my argumentative essays and it spurred me to read the newspapers and current affairs books voraciously, eventually I passed with A). But it is not this way in the real world, at least from what I have experienced.

On Friends...
I feel very fortunate to have a few steadfast friends who are always there to push me to higher grounds, always daring to become better, move out of my comfort zone, and to always be seeking new knowledge and skills and seeking out new experiences. However, many more are those who only care for themselves. This happens not only among friends, but my close relatives as well. These people expect you to help them when they need help but when you ask them for them another time, they will come up with many excuses why they can't do it.

On Family Relationships...
If I had known earlier how my mum thinks, maybe I would never have pushed myself so hard to learn. I have only one sibling, my younger sister who has only completed some basic vocational training. Thus, she could only work in jobs that offer lower salary. On the other hand, because I have a degree, I could work in jobs that offer higher salary. Because of this, my mother told me my sister did not have to give her allowance but I had to. I was very furious because I thought that we very unfair and we had a lot of arguments and fights that remained unresolved even now.

On Marriage...
I can't even talk about marriage. Because I only have some brains but with no looks, this is still out of reach for me. A friend of mine, who is a devoted Christian, shared with me that she has church friend who is a mum. She wrote down all the qualities she wanted to see in her future son-in-law and not long after, her daughter indeed met a guy who matched her description 100%! She told me to do the same and pray hard and have a strong faith. I did. Hopefully things will change.

On Social Involvement and Pursuing What I'm Passionate About...
Being a corporate slave, most of my time is sold to my employer and my bosses. There's very leeway to be active in community work and to do what I'm really passionate about (if you are curious what I'm passionate about, I really want to compose music, draw, coach, write my own apps, build robots, and do something to protect the environment and lift people out of poverty).

After looking at two cases, one from my cousin and one from my student's mum, I know this is not true any more.

She is a university-degree holder working in civil service and was advising me to enter the banking industry when there's currently a wave of retrenching sweeping across the industry right now. So what if she's naive and ignorant? With some beauty and good luck, she's in good marriage now. Read a bit more about my cousin's story here.

Read more about what I have to say about my student's mum here.

I think, the most important thing for women to be born with a beautiful face and beautiful figure (it doesn't matter she's an informed or ignorant person) so that she has the luck to find a good man to married to carry on life with ease.

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Wednesday, January 11, 2017

Education does not save women; Beauty does, Luck does

Source: https://thesocietypages.org
Since I was young, my mother had repeated drilled into my brain that I had to study hard so that I could have a better future.

As I work and observe things around me, I find many different pathways to success.

If you have read my bio at side of this blog, you will know I work as a software developer but I also tutor. There are two reason I do this: a passion for teaching, and also the need to supplement my meagre income. Contrary to what software engineers earn in the USA, which averages USD80,000 to USD100,000, all kinds of engineers in Singapore earn around SGD40,000 to SGD80,000. Things are not so rosy here when it comes to salary.

So, I worked really hard. I was a very obedient child and I listened to every advice my mother gave me. I had a good education. With my excellent primary school results, I was qualified to enter the top 10 secondary schools in Singapore. I had received a very good excellent secondary education and I am very grateful to my alma mater. She has made me bilingual in both English, the language of commerce, and Chinese, the language most dear to me. I then moved on to a good Junior College and then earn a good degree in Computer Engineering in one of the best universities here in Singapore.

Recently, I gave tuition to an eleven-year-old girl. She's a mixed, her father being a Chinese Singaporean while her mother is a Chinese Vietnamese who doesn't know how to speak any English. None! Zero!

Since young, my mother had always told me that English is very important and would secure a better future for me. I often only received a borderline pass for my English, even though I had studied very hard. However, I never gave up and I gradually improved by a lot. Even the founding Prime Minister of Singapore, Lee Kuan Yew, emphasised English language education so much that he converted all schools in Singapore into English schools after Singapore's independence.

Yet, that mastery of English together with a good engineering degree did not give me a good life. I don't live in a landed property. I am not married to a good husband. I don't have any child yet. I don't even have a boyfriend.

So when this girl told me her mum was a Vietnamese who spoke only Chinese and worked in her father's business as an accountant, I was very surprised. Her mum is expecting her fourth child now and her entire family lives in a landed property in East Coast, an estate full of private properties resided by many rich families.

I thought you would not have a good life if you didn't know how to speak English?

Life is not a science. It all depends on your luck or destiny.

So, I got a good education. I got a pretty decent job. However, maybe because of my looks, I got tons and tons of rejections from men. But I got lots and lots of appeals from the Indian and Bangladeshi men. I really have no interest in them. I'm very disappointed that all my good education is only enough to attract Indian and Bangladeshi construction workers. Is that all I deserve after putting in so much hard work in my life?

Just like the Disney princesses, sometimes beauty and luck are just what women need to live their lives like a fairy tale story.

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Sunday, January 8, 2017

Beauty and the Beast

Source: Pinterest
Disney's recreation of the classic fairy tale story "Beauty and the Beast" will be out soon in March 2017. I am looking forward to it very much and I plan to spend ticket money to go to the cinema theatre to watch it. It will be my first movie in a cinema theatre since 3 or 4 years ago. It will star Emma Watson (Belle) and Dan Stevens (Beast). I love this story very much. Even though the last time I watched Disney's animated version of Beauty and the Beast was more than a decade ago when I was a kid, I couldn't forget the story, the beautiful Belle, the monstrous but kind Beast, the romantic love story between them, how the smell was broken by pure and true love and of course, the beautiful music scattered throughout the film composed by the genius Alan Menken.

However, as I try to find love in my own life, I really struggle. Every corner I turn into, I have to face the rejection due to not being very pretty.

I wonder if Beauty is not really a beauty, would her match with the Beast still be a success? If the Beast doesn't find Belle a pretty girl, would he still fall in love with her? If Belle is not the most beautiful girl in town, would the brawny but brainless Gaston still take notice of her?

Belle has been successful finding true love not only because of her good nature, but because of her above-average good looks.

I love this story so much and I thought every girl will have this kind of happy story in her life. I am a bit disillusioned because the stark reality is rather harsh. I overlooked the fact that Belle was a beauty and it would be easier to be successful in finding a man who would love her back.

However, I'm keeping my fingers crossed. Because it was God who gave me my looks, there must a good reason for it. I don't think God put me here on Earth to go through the mortals' moderns weapons of beauty such as cosmetic surgery and breast enhancement. There must be better and bigger things awaiting me, right? God must be trying to teach me to look beyond beauty and to look down into a person's heart right?

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Thursday, January 5, 2017

Passing the Facial Compatibility Test

As if the beauty test wasn't enough, I found myself dealing with men who seek compatible looks with their faces.

Maybe this is just another excuse...

Perhaps, this is another way to tell me not to bother them because I'm just not pretty enough for them. Or maybe, this is what Chinese called "couple looks". Sometimes, people want to seek out partners who look similar to them. They want their friends an relatives to say, "you both do look like a couple".

What to do? 

Try the next guy instead.

P.S. By the way, the guy that I mentioned in the picture above who actually agreed to meet me on that day but didn't inform me that he wasn't turning up was Muhammed Jabir (read my post about him ""you are not that pretty"").

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Monday, January 2, 2017

Fake women is better than real women: You've got a cosmetic surgery? So what? Who cares if you're a fake?

Source: http://gagthat.com/
I get contradicting advice from men

Some told me that it is important to be myself, to show them my true self, to be real, to know that beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, and that inner beauty is more important than outer beauty.

But many others, including those above, told me to go for cosmetic surgery to get double eyelids and to saw my jaws off so that my eyes would look bigger and my face would not look so long. Some told me to go for bust enhancement and to pull my legs so that I would look more curvaceous and would be taller. Other suggestions are to straighten my teeth, go for LASIK or wear contact lenses, and to eat more to grow fatter.

What would you do?

For me, I have chosen to be myself. This has cost me a lot. However, to me, this is worth it as my objective is not to attract guys who are just attracted to physical beauty. I want guys to look at my inner talents instead. However, that does not mean I don't do any physical grooming. I do just enough. I focus more on skincare than on putting pompous makeup and wearing sexually attractive clothes. I focus on inner growth, on building up life experience, growing my brain and mental strength.

You have a make a decision who you want to attract. I have made mine and am happy about it. What's yours?

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Sunday, January 1, 2017

Dating Nightmares wishes all a Happy New Year 2017!

Source: Pexel Stock Images
Good Morning!

This is the first morning of a brand new year 2017!

I hope you had a crazy celebration last night!

Single women, if you have found love, congratulations!

If you have not, let this new year be the year you achieve your relationship goal! Stay tuned to this blog as I'm going to be with you at every step along the way. This blog is dedicated to single women like you and me!

Cheers!
Sharon
Dating Blogger & Advisor

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