It's just maybe, not an affirmative yes

This guy asked for my preferred time, date, and venue. I regretted telling him my preference because I felt it was a waste of time. What is the point of me telling you my preference when it is your preference that matters more? 

Something is very wrong with the head of this guy. "I don't know that you are so busy." So what was he actually assuming? He was saying "everyone is busy" but then he didn't think I was busy. What's wrong with him? The most important issue is, even if I'm not so busy, does it give you the right to set a date and time to meet and then cancel at the last minute? This guy has already said the date and time are okay for him, only venue was not so convenient. Yet he just unilaterally cancelled the date without proposing another location. What's strange also was that he agreed to the date and time and then at the last minute informed me that it was inconvenient for him. He could have the courtesy and the decency to apologies for inappropriately agreeing to the date and time instead of pushing the blame on me and said the time and date that I proposed was not good for him when he didn't object to it in the first place.

People of course need to work. Are you saying you are a person and needs to work but I'm not a person and doesn't need to work? And yes, I set the area and timing because you asked me to set my preferred time and date. Then you come around and blame me for not setting the date and time that are suitable for you. What a foolish man!

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Karung guni - The rubbish man

Karung guni is a Singapore colloquial term referring to men who collect used cardboard, newspapers, magazines and other used items from shops and households.

After chatting so many "rubbish" type of men, I wonder what the problem with me is.

Am I such a rubbish woman so much so that God is only willing to send me rubbish men?

Or is God testing me?

Is God just sending these men to test my character and patience before he sends me the right one for me?

I don't know.

I just know these kinds of men are not the type I envision in my mind.

I have been telling God for some time that I will never marry a low quality man no matter how desperate I am.

I have worked hard all my life, whether it's studies or career. I have sought to learn new things every single day. Why should I deserve men who have no standards?

May this period be just a time of trials and tribulations that I will finally walk out of.

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Only busy men are left

One of the many busy guys whom I chatted with

Another guy just told me he wouldn't be able to meet due to work - why don't I just submit to fate or destiny?

Ever since I posted an ad on Locanto seeking a boyfriend, only the busy men, Indian/Bangladeshi men, uneducated men, unemployed men, old men or young men in their early twenties would contact me.

I don't know what these men are thinking. If they are so busy, why do they bother to contact girls? They are not going to be ready to go out to dates with the girls! Are they thinking they can build a relationship through WeChat or WhatsApp?

Crazy men!

Don't they have the decency to consider that they are wasting both their time and the girls' time if they are not ready to date?

The world of dating gets smaller as my age catches up. Guys who are free are already taken up by other women. Only the busy men, those that other women don't have the chance to cross path with, are left, together with other low quality men that other women don't fancy.

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We're not meant to be

There are some girls in this world who can find boyfriends very easily. In the past, I have heard conversations on the trains when I was commuting that that so-and-so girl broke up with her ex-boyfriend the previous week but found a new one the next.

I often listened to stories with envy.

How can a girl find a compatible guy so quickly? Are there always so many compatible guys around her? Why is she so lucky to have these guys around her for her to pick and choose?

As I get to know more guys, I find that there are so many factors to consider.

For example, one of the examples is his education background. I don't discriminate potential partners according to their education background. This is why I chat with men with primary school education, secondary school, high school education, degree holders like me, or even those who have higher degrees. Education is only one aspect of a person. It is not enough to know an entire person. There are successful businessmen who have very little formal education. So, I don't see education as the most important criterion. However, I find that the way men who have at least a high school education or polytechnic education will have a similar world view as I and that scores a point in evaluating whether we are compatible with each other.

Another factor is their professions. In general, certain kinds of jobs attract people with certain characters. For example, sales & marketing people are more extrovert and impatient. I'm an introvert but I don't mind going out with an extrovert. But some men are very particular about whether a girl is extrovert or introvert. So this can make or break a conversation.

The third factor is their personality and the way they talk with you. These give you a hint of their true character. There are some men who don't know how to talk or who are not sincere in the way they communicate. There are some men who talk nonsense. Guys who are compatible with you make your day when you talk to him

The fourth is having common goals and dreams. I think one reason why my current boyfriend has chosen me to be his girlfriend is because we both have dreams of wanting to earn big money and give our parents a good life. We both want to have children. We both place equal importance on family and career. We aim to leave corporate one day.

The fifth is family background. Different kinds of family raise children with different habits. In my family, I'm taught to repair and reuse old stuff until they have absolutely no value. However, some man may be disgusted with this kind of practice. To me, this kind of habit is normal and looking at the big picture, it can help us to reduce waste and spend less money. Some people always like to have new stuff. My current boyfriend came from a poor childhood as well, so we are very careful when buying and using stuff.

The sixth is time, that is, his availability. Availability is a measure of his sincerity. In all the past relationships, I have to beg the guy to meet me. Like a female friend who told me recently, the right guy would be someone where everything ran smoothly. For while, I didn't believe her. But now, I do. I do not have to beg my current boyfriend to meet me. He took the initiative to ask me out for dinners. He took the initiative to invite me to join his family for dinner. He asked me about my day. He's genuinely interested in whatever I'm doing. Whenever I want to go out during the weekend, he would join me. We trekked in the nature reserves and strolled in various parks together.

The final one is comfort. How he looks, how he carries himself, how he talks to you and other people. The combined feeling of all the factors above.

I understand some of us are not meant to be together. If so, say so and don't beat around the bush.

We're not meant to be. Took this guy two weeks to reveal his true intentions. All the time I thought we were okay.

Had a difficult time talking with this guy. I told him I started a Facebook fan page to promote travelling to Singapore. Who do you think the target audience of my fan page will be? It is travellers from other countries outside of Singapore that I'm looking at. However, this guy was telling there's such a small population in Singapore and questioning me the value of gathering many likes on the fan page. I told him this is not for Singapore people. It's for people all over the world and there are 7 billion people. Yet, he was telling me that having 100 likes on the page is having too many followers. He's not making sense. Of course, we cannot continue our conversation anymore from that point.

This guy doesn't have time for building a relationship. He's not ready yet he still wants to contact me. I told him not to waste his or mine time. This guy has not heart and space in his life for relationship. Even though he has already built up the foundation for his career, he continued to pour his time and effort into it. One day, when he retires, he will realise that his job is gone and he has no one by his side to share his life with. He will realise then that he's blinded by career and money.

Sorry I don't have the time; let's not continue

Source: FreeImages.com

If a guy says he has not the time for you, forget about him.

Time is the most previous commodity each of us has. Every one of us has only 24 hours a day. When a guy tells you he's busy with his work and has no time for you, it's plain bullshit.

Because I have seen the true real man myself.

No matter how busy a man is, no matter how many projects he has on hand at work, no matter how high his position in an organisation, even if he is a C-level executive, if he cares enough for his wife and children, he will find ways and means to spend them with them, simply because he loves them so much.

When a guy tells you he's busy with his work, what you should know is he's telling you you are not his priority. If you are already in a relationship with him, let him know that he should be spending time with you. If he's reluctant, it means he's not that into you and it's better you let him go.

If you only starting to get to know a guy, let me go and don't continue further with him because there won't be much progress. He is only willing to spend time to chat with you online, not on a face-to-face basis. I don't think you want a virtual boyfriend, do you?

I was quite angry with this guy because he was not honest. He was not interested in me yet he just gave me the excuse of his being too busy with his projects and had no time to develop a relationship with me. I told him he should just told me directly he was not interested in me. There's not need to beat about the bush and say "I don't have time", "we are different", or "we're not meant to be". If you encounter this kind of guy, better leave him as quickly as possible because they are not forthcoming with what they say to you.

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Thanks Shrek for the hope you give

Source: Pinterest

Synopsis of Shrek can be found at Wikipedia here.

Many Disney princesses are beauty themselves and I think this helps them a lot in finding their princes in life. This is a fairy tale I couldn't live with.

I love Shrek much more than those Disney animations as it is closer to the reality I'm living in. I'm not pretty and I said this a thousand times in this blog. I received many so-called "constructive criticism" to go under the knife to change how I look. But Shrek's story reminds us that with inner beauty, we can find love as well and that love is truer than love based on looks. It also reminds her we can always find someone compatible. We don't always have to fix our outer beauty.

Princess Fiona and Lord Farquaad could get married but Fiona would only be wanted by the lord because of her looks and his desire for power. There was no love to talk about. He also didn't risk his life to rescue Fiona from the fiery dragon. Fiona won't be happy and she would be better staying alone locked up in the tower guarded by the dragon. How could she have happiness when the Lord didn't have the the courage to act like a man to save her from danger?

However, Shrek looked at Fiona in a different way. He truly loved her for who she was and thought she was the most beautiful and wonderful woman in his life. He was also the one who dealt with the dragon and released Fiona from her imprisonment, so he truly deserved Fiona. The intangible qualities of two people coming together, for example, the comfort, chemistry and the bond of two persons, are more important than comparing cold hard data like wealth, power and beauty.

However, the solitary life of Shrek also means that this kind of man is harder to find. So if you want to find him faster, you got to work hard and take the initiative to seek him out through as many dating channels as possible.

I wrote about different dating channels in an older post, Here's the link.

Good luck!

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Fairy tale is for everyone but me

Source: YouTube

In Disney's fairy tale animations, princesses, no matter how dire how situations might be, they would always meet a guy richer and in a better position in life who lifted their status in life overnight.

Look at Cinderella and Belle in Beauty and the Beast.

I thought...well...fairy tales are just what they are. Fairy tales. Idealistic stories that in real life couldn't happen.

Little did I know how wrong I was!

I couldn't believe fairy tales were happening to people all around me.

In my ex-company, my supervisor was able to live in a landed property because it was a gift given to One him by his father-in-law!

In one personal development class that I went to, a lady shared with us a group of ladies that the first day she went out with her then-boyfriend she knew that he was the one and they married in a week!

A third example occurred on my cousin. For years, she told everyone she hated marriage and would never see herself marrying. However, in her late twenties, she suddenly changed her mind. She didn't have to go to any blind-dating session.  She even have a strict criteria that the guy must be a Singaporean Chinese, not a Caucasian (in Singapore colloquial term, it is ang-moh). Her eldest brother found her a boyfriend that met her criteria. They dated for a year and the guy proposed. The guy was rich as he drove his car and his parents lived in a landed property in an expensive estate in Singapore. He spoke mainly English and very little Chinese. In Singapore, it meant that he came from a very privileged family background as it was the people who could speak English very well advanced well ahead of everyone else.

I was always told if you don't want something, you wouldn't have it. Even if you suddenly want something, you have to have patience and pray hard and have faith. But no. My cousin didn't have to go through the trial of patience and faith.

I have to be criticised by many people around me for my looks, my busy work and my requirements. Well, I have to have certain criteria right. I can't possibly pick up any man from the streets right? This concerns my lifetime happiness and so, shouldn't I be more choosy? Also, everyone is busy these days? Why was I accused of being a busy bee when many times it was the guys who were busy with their career? My cousin wasn't criticised for her looks even when her face was full of acne. She wasn't criticised when she didn't want to get married. But I have to go through all of those tribulations.

I have sincerely pray for God to please bestow me a good boyfriend. I have worked on improving myself, including how I look, my skincare routine, what I wear, how I communicate, and in my professional knowledge. I have sought and implemented improvements in many areas of my life so that I could encounter and attract better guys. But no matter how many temples I went to, how many Tarot card readings I have, how many numerology sessions I have, my love life is simply just a gray tunnel. It was a tunnel started in year 2006 when I suddenly realised I would like to have a man in my life and up till last year. It was a total of 10 years. A decade of searching, heartbreaks, falling and crawling up.

I finally have a new boyfriend. He was a nice guy with a good character but was poor like me. But we both have the same dream of striking rich with our hard work and vision. I hope together we can have a promising future. We have a long way to go. I guess for me, I have to create my own fairy tale instead of getting my fortune through marriage with a rich guy. But at least, I'm happy that I have a guy now who loves me truly for who I am and deeply concerns about my affairs.

To single women who are still seeking love, I hope you find your fairy tale soon like me after a decade of searching. I hope your search will be faster than mine. Good luck this year!

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I used to think I want to promote more women education in developing countries; I'm changing my mind

Source: Etsy

Having better education is good, because I don't think I ever want to be ignorant about how the natural world works and how human society works.

However, I won't just solely promote the idea of female education for the sake of espousing a road to better accessibility to opportunities in life.Career and family are equally important in my point of view. Having better career prospects does not equate to having better opportunity in love.

Because many educated and informed women like me are having a hard time looking for the right guy that we are comfortable being with to share our lives. We may be doing okay in our job due to the education background and past work experience that we have but we are experiencing a bumpy road in love. We are having a difficult time settling down. Because of this imbalance in life, we are not happy. A good career alone does not promise a good life!

So what would I promote?

I would promote finding love early together, teaching girls how to be pretty together with education. This will ensure that they find satisfaction in all areas of their lives. When all aspects of our lives are in order, that's when we will enjoy harmony and be truly happy to live on.

See my previous post "Education does not equal to better quality life for woman".

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Education does not equal to higher quality life for women

Source: Successful and Educated Females (http://engineers-news.appspot.com/)

As girls, we are told that if we get ourselves educated, we would have a better future.

However, what is a better future?

Usually. adults often define a better future for us as having access to better-paying jobs or jobs with more influence and power.

However, is that all what life is about?

As women, we need to think again: what is a better future for each of us as individual? Are we just defined based on our income or our job? Aren't there aspects like family which are equally important as well?

Many educated women are single, growing old by themselves. Alone. Or, they married late, putting career in front of a setting up a family.

Looking on the brighter side, these women often look to their nephews and nieces for social connection. So it's not that they are really that lonely. They also actively involve themselves in community work with children.

Not that growing old and alone is wrong but if someday you fainted in your home and there's no one knowing about that, isn't it unfortunate?

Whereas, women who are less informed about the world, who are more ignorant, who never knew what pursuing a career is about, have the love and connection that a family can bring and are often as happy, if not happier, than career women who only have their resume to showcase about themselves.

Is that what higher quality life is about?

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Beautiful + Educated = Super Highly Desirable Women

Source: Queen Rania of Jordan (Pinterest)

Beautiful + Educated = Super Highly Desirable Women

Queen Rania is a beautiful and educated lady with a heart. She is the epitome of a how a highly desirable woman should be. The King of Jordan definitely deserves a woman like her.

However, many men out there don't look handsome, have no status, no money and no education, and yet, they expect their women to be beautiful, to listen to them, to be obedient, to be a baby-making machine and a housewife, not to be publicly exposed and so on.

Do these men know what love is about? Do these men know what caring for a woman is about?

What a laughable world!

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