What To Do When You Finally Meet The Right Guy After Years of Fake Relationships

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For the past 7 years, I have been trying to find a boyfriend. But every year, I would meet with a failure. I always ended up meeting up a cheat. One of the cheats was even recommended by a close associate in work. Every year, I would set higher bars and more criteria to determine the fake men from the real men but every year, smarter and smarter men broke my criteria and got into a fake relationship with me.

Why do I say "fake"?

My very first fake relationship came from a guy I knew in Friendster, an outdated social network website now. He said he just broke up with his girlfriend and emphasised that he's single. For a few weeks, we met and he would always bring me to secluded places so that he could touch me all over my body. I was innocent, you see. He said he's teaching me how to be intimate with men. He was working as a young assistant mechanical engineer at a big local engineering firm and was enrolled in a degree program for mechanical engineering at Kaplan. For a few times, I helped him with his course assignment. Only after a few months later, I found he updated his profile picture which showed a picture of him hugging a girl. I questioned him immediately and he never spoke to me thereafter.

On and off, I went for many dates before a close associate at work introduced me to a young colleague that had joined his team. He added me on WeChat and started chatting with me. I was attracted by his humour. He was telling me all the nice things that you would expect a guy to shower you with when they started pursuing you as a date, so I wasn't aware of his true motive. Moreover, this was a guy introduced by an associate I knew. What harm could there be? I was very trustful of the start of a relationship between us. We went for lunch once at Subway where he gave me a Subway treat. He asked me whether I like to travel to Malaysia. I said I would love to but wasn't familiar as I only went to Malaysia in my lifetime. He was telling me that he "would soon bring me there". After a few months of knowing him, I decided I wanted to leave the company and seek employment with a new company. He said he would continue to come and "find me" after I left the company. Yes, he continued to communicate with me on WeChat after I left the company and I asked him about the Malaysian weekend trip again. He continued to say "soon" as he was still busy with project requirements and he said it would end soon. And I continued to wait patiently. However, after waiting for weeks, I saw an update on his Facebook photo album with pictures taken at Malaysia's Johor Bahru's Legoland theme park with a young lady and another middle-aged woman who looked like his auntie. He appeared very close to the young lady. I questioned about it and told him I was upset because he had been telling me we would travel to Legoland together soon. He told me he was sorry and he "hadn't meant to upset me".

AS IF I'M GOING TO BELIEVE HE'S SINCERELY SORRY WHAT HE HAD JUST DONE!!!

Then at this social network website called Twoo, I got to know a Vietnamese professional working in Singapore as a senior civil engineer. He had been involved in the construction project of our Singapore Indoor Stadium where it recently held the 2016 Singapore National Day Parade for its 51st year of independence. When we first started dating together, he shared with me that every month, he would make a trip back to Vietnam to visit his critically-ill father. After about 6 months, he suddenly stop communicating with me. After about a month without any news from him, he suddenly set me a message through Skype. I asked him where he was and he told me he was in Australia enrolled in a Master degree course. I was shocked that he was gone just like that. I was his girlfriend and how could he do such a thing? He said that a few weeks ago his father had died and he quit his job and flew back to Vietnam to pay his last respect for his father. After that, he flew straight to Australia. I told him even if his father had died, there was no need for him to quit his job and go Australia. I told him he should have consulted me about his decision. I was furious that I wasn't treated like a girlfriend because he made his decisions unilaterally without informing me. I was asking, "What the hell is this?" Moreover, he told me to quit my job, give up everything in Singapore and join him there in Australia immediately as a "poor student". What kind of boyfriend would want his girlfriend a hard life? That's how I ended the relationship with him. I deleted his phone number from my mobile phone and deleted his detail from my Skype contact list.

Then I had one "relationship" on Facebook, which I quickly realised was a scam because I was asked for money for a gift parcel to be sent to me.

Then I got to know a real local Indian guy through Facebook. Initially it was alright. He was a Hindu and a vegetarian. But he expected to me to buy him meals every time because he said he did not have any on-going projects in his business and thus didn't have extra income. That still hadn't reached my tolerance limit. The worst was when I called him one evening after my tuition class and we agreed to meet the next day for dinner. But when the next evening arrived and he didn't appear at our meetup place, I called him and he said he was at the National Day Rehearsal and having a great time and wouldn't be meeting him. I then scolded him and said he should have informed me earlier when he changed his decision and shouldn't have waited for me to call him up when I was already waiting at the agreed place to meet him up. He was angry that I shouted at him. I demanded for an apology and he asked "what wrong has he done?" He said I was making a fuss out of something so minor. He didn't like me and he stopped contacting me and never bothered to official declare he wanted a breakup. So far, all the guys I had met till then didn't want to say breakup. They just stopped contacting when they didn't feel like it!

Then I got to know another guy also from Facebook. He was from Bangladesh and was a skilled worker in Singapore in the construction industry. He was gentle. He was enthusiastic in the beginning and kept meeting me up for dinner. We went to Johor Bahru together and had quiet moments together in several parks here in Singapore. I thought he was a genuine man and would be my last boyfriend. But after about 3 months, he said he had a new project. The project lasts for 18 months and he would be working everyday. He now expected me to pay for my own meals and for me to arrange meetup. He said I should be the one to arrange dates not him. So I said okay. Then when I arranged the dates, he would not turn up. I would always have to call him to ask him where he was. The frustrating thing was he didn't pick up the call immediately. It was always after half an hour or an hour of waiting that he then SMS me to tell me to "go home first". I would keep calling him until he picked up and scold him. He would say I was sick. I was so frustrated. He was the one who played foul and why did I have to be labelled as a "sick" person? So this happened every month until last month I couldn't stand it anymore and sent him the most number of SMSes with messages such as "son of a bitch", "asshole", "cheat" and so on. Today he has blocked me from his contact list totally.

So then, a few earlier, I posted an ad in Locanto Singapore website advertising that I'm looking for a boyfriend to settle down. I was contacted by an IT professional from India. I have met him once already at this time of writing. He seemed genuine and I really wanted to trust him. I said I would take my time to ascertain the relationship because I didn't want to fall into traps again. He was quite unhappy about it and said I shouldn't let my past experience affect this new relationship. I told him candidly I really have to do it this way because I wanted to protect myself and did not want another fake relationship again. I'm still waiting to see how this relationship would turn out. I only seek his understanding that I would like to take things more slowly and not intending to rush through the relationship (as it happened in all my past failed relationships). I told him it would be okay for him not to continue have contact with me now if he didn't think he wanted to go out with someone with a baggage. He's accepted partially (which makes him even a more genuine person in my view). He said he would show me over time that he was a genuine one. I hope so.

So, that's what I did, be being candid. I think this is the fairest to both parties.

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